British Bella
by pen2paper93
Summary: My friend, Sasha, and I have written our amusing interpretation of Twilight in script form. Bella is English who moves to Forks, America, she meets the Cullens and finds things are very...odd in this new country. AH. AU. May seem random at times :D
1. Arriving

**A.N: This is based on Twilight and my friend, Sasha, and I have written our interpretation in script form. Wow. **

**We find the American words vs. English words debate absolutely fascinating and amusing. **

**Now if we have offended any Americans we apologise, we love you really.**

**Please review after.**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight nor do we own their characters, to our disappointment.**

**Chapter 1- Arriving**

_Bella stepped out of the airport to a cold, rainy scene, dragging behind her suitcase she looked around._

**Bella:** Hmmm, this reminds me of England.

_She jumped as someone touched her shoulder, she pivoted and body slammed him into the wall._

**Charlie:** Bella?!? _He looks scared._

_Bella quickly lets go._

**Bella:** Dad! Oh my gosh! I am sooo sorry! I didn't…I mean…Oh my gosh! I'm sorry, I got scared.

**Charlie:** _clears throat_, No worries. I guess those karate lessons paid off.

**Bella:** Yeah, I guess. I'm good at sports but I'm still clumsy.

_She turned to pick up her suitcase but tripped over the handle that was pulled out._

**Charlie:** I see that.

**Bella:** Yeah as if to prove my point I trip on my own suitcase. Who does that?

_Charlie looks like he was going to reply._

**Bella:** It was a rhetorical question.

**Charlie:** _He reddens,_ I knew that.

**Bella:** Sure you did.

**Charlie:** Come on young lady. I forgot how sarcastic you were.

**Bella:** Hey. I'm English I have an excuse.

**Charlie: **I'm sure. Oh by the way, _Imitates a posh English accent_, I love your accent.

_Bella rolls her eyes._

**Charlie:** I was being sarcastic.

**Bella:** You were trying to be sarcastic. Trying and not succeeding. _Imitates an American accent._ I think your accent ruined it.

**Charlie:** Get your suitcase.

**Bella:** Yeah we better hurry or we'll miss the rugby game. SARCASM.

**Charlie:** That reminds me, there is one on soon. Let's go….and it's football not rugby.

**Bella:** If the ball is not round it's rugby.

**Charlie: **This is America. It's football.

_Bella hums the American anthem._

**Charlie:** How patriotic.

**Bella: **Fine then. _Hums the English anthem_. Let's go then and watch some rugby.

**Charlie:** Football!

**Bella:** If I wish to be a rebel and call it rugby, which it should be called, then I will.

**Charlie:** You'll start saying it eventually.

**Bella:** NEVER!

_And so the argument of football vs. rugby continued throughout their journey to the small town of Forks._

_***_

_The car pulls up to the house. They enter the house and Bella goes upstairs to put her suitcase in her room._

_She walks downstairs to see Charlie sitting on the sofa watching T.V._

**Bella:** Ah, I see you're watching rugby.

**Charlie:** Yes, I'm watching football.

**Bella:** Hmm,_ whispers,_ Rugby.

**Charlie:** _whispers, _Football.

_They glare at each other for a while until a toothpaste advert comes on T.V making them jump up._

**Charlie:** _stares at T.V. _What a weird commercial.

**Bella:** Yes I agree this advert is weird.

**Charlie:** Commercial.

**Bella: **Advert.

**Charlie: **I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything?

**Bella:** Yes. Chips.

**Charlie: **_narrows eyes,_ Yes. Potato chips.

**Bella:** Yes. I think the fact that their made out of potatoes is quite obvious.

**Charlie:** Yes. I'm sure it is for someone as "smart" as you.

**Bella:** Yes. Stop saying yes.

**Charlie:** No. Are you happy now?

**Bella:** YES!

_Charlie leaves for the kitchen._

**Bella:** The ADVERT has finished and the RUGBY game is back on!

_Charlie mumbles to himself in the kitchen and returns with a bowl of crisps._

**Bella:** Cha...Dad. I said chips.

**Charlie:** Yes. So I have brought you **potato** chips.

**Bella:** You may have failed to notice that those are crisps.

**Charlie:** No, they're potato chips.

**Bella:** Oh forget it. I'm going to bed. Love you. Goodnight.

**Charlie:** _mumbles_ I love you too. Goodnight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Literally.

_Bella shrieks and runs screaming from her bed._

**Charlie:** WELCOME TO AMERICA!

***End Scene***

**A.N: We know Bella and Charlie's relationship is quite different compared to the book but we wanted to change things. You know shake things up a bit.**

**Oh yeah and she does karate. Ha, we wanted to make her more independent and not as vulnerable, I think it is a nice twist if I say so myself.**

**Please review we want to know what you're thinking, unfortunately we're not psychic.**


	2. School Yay?

**A.N: It's time for chapter 2! Well Sasha and I wanted to make the Cullens seem a bit different in the beginning of the story. We wanted some conflict, but don't worry everything will work itself out later in the script (we don't know how but it will).**

**Please review, we really love them. It makes us believe that some people are reading this.**

**Btw: The script is not made to offend Americans. We apologise if we do. We love them so much we include them in our scripts.**

**Oh and also any person who is not English can you tell us what you think English people sound like when they talk. We would appreciate it greatly.**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight or the characters.**

Chapter 2- School. Yay?

_Bella wakes up when her alarm clock rings. She crosses the room in a temper and slams open the door, she chucks the clock down the stairs. It makes a satisfying crack._

**Bella:** WHO PUT THE ALARM ON! RAR!

_She stomps to the bathroom and gets ready for school. She goes down the stairs and gets her breakfast ready._

**Bella:** _screams,_ Oh my god! You have NO TEA! You sick people!

_Charlie comes running in pointing his gun around the kitchen._

**Bella:** _Runs away._ Fine. Fine. No tea. I'll have your disgusting coffee. Please just don't kill me. I'm too young to die.

**Charlie:** _Rolls his eyes._ Bella I'm not going to kill you.

**Bella:** _Looks at gun._ Then why is the gun still pointed at me.

Charlie lowers his gun and places it in his police belt.

**Bella:** _Says in a calm voice._ That's good. Now Cha…dad walk away from it with your hands up, slooowly.

**Charlie:** Hahaha Bella. Now go to school.

**Bella:** Or what? You'll shoot me?

**Charlie:** No, but with the way you're behaving it's very tempting.

_Bella's eyes widen._

**Bella:** _squeaks._ Bye!

She grabs her bag and runs out. There is a truck outside.

**Bella:** Dad? Whose truck is that?

_Charlie comes out._

**Charlie:** Yours. I already have a car.

**Bella:** Thanks, but I'm not ready to drive here yet.

**Charlie:** Why not?

**Bella:** You. Americans. Drive on the wrong side of the car and the road. Now, if I was to partake in this wacky form of driving without prior instruction, I would be a danger to the people of this small town and as chief of police here, it is your duty to make sure that I do not drive on these roads, for my safety and everyone else's.

_Charlie stares at Bella._

**Charlie:** What?

_**Bella:**_Good it's settle I'll ride my bike to school.

_Charlie looks blank._

**Bella:** You know my bike. The one you bought me two years ago.

**Charlie:** Okay. Sure?

**Bella:** _walks backward slowly._ Okay. I'll be off now.

**Charlie:** Okay then.

**Bella:** Okay.

_Bella's hands feel the bike and she jumps onto it._

**Bella:** Bye!

_She begins to pedal very fast away from her house toward Forks High School._

_She doesn't paying attention to a certain SHINY SILVER VOLVO when it pulls out. She hits the car and lands on the roof on the car._

**Bella:** Ouch. Good Thing I was wearing a helmet, **they save lives.**

_5 people get out of the car. A big man with dark curly hair. A stunning statuesque blonde woman. A small pixie like girl with inky black hair sticking out in odd angles. A blonde boy and finally a living Adonis __**(wahay)**__ with beautiful auburn hair naturally styled and piercing emerald green eyes._

**Bella:** WOW.

**Edward:** Can you get off my car you're leaving a dent in it.

_Bella rolls off the car. Emmett laughs._

**Bella:** Yeah, yeah. Sure, I would never want to leave a dent in a piece of metal. The fact that I could have died is so little compared to me leaving a mark on your precious car. What would we have to do if I did? Maybe someone would have to pay for it to be repaired.

_Alice laughs._

**Alice:** Aw. Edward, don't be so mean. She could have hurt herself.

**Rosalie: **Precisely, she could have hurt herself. It's not our fault if she enjoys riding into cars.

**Bella:** Yeah and it's not my fault you enjoy running people over with your car. People get kicks out of the weirdest things.

_Rosalie narrows eyes._

_Alice runs up to Bella._

**Alice:** Hi. I'm Alice. You must be Isabella.

**Bella:** _Her eyes widen_. Bella. How did you know who I am?

**Emmet:** You're scaring her Alice. Everyone has been talking about you coming.

**Bella:** Great?

_Emmett laughs very loudly._

**Emmett:** You're English.

**Bella:** Nooo? Really? Oh, look at the time; I'm going to be late. Nice meeting you?

**Alice:** Bye Bella. See you soon.

**Bella:** Yeah, sure, bye.

_She goes to the office and gets her timetable._

**Bella:** Aha, I have biology first. What wonderful news?

_Goes to the science building. Enters her biology class. It is very noisy but everyone goes silent as she walks to the teacher,_

_She hands the teacher a slip. She looks as if her clothes don't fit her and her looks as if someone put it on fire and then dumped water on it._

**Ms. C:** _Squeaky voice._ Ah, Isabella Swan. Welcome to our Biology class.

**Bella:** Thank you Miss.

**Ms. C:** Sit next to Mr Cullen please.

_Bella looks over to see Edward sitting there with an empty stool next to him._

**Bella:** I'd rather not.

**Ms. C:** You will go and sit next to him or 1 mark off your final grade.

_Bella sighs._

**Ms. C:** You sighed. 1 mark off.

_Bella walks over to sit next to Edward who has a smirk on his face. She frowns._

Edward: Hello. Looks like we're going to be spending a lot of time together.

**Bella:** WHY!

*End Scene*

**A.N: Well you can see that the biology teacher is different from the one in Twilight but Sasha wanted revenge against a certain teacher who reduced her marks in a test, I shall not say who, she saw this as the perfect opportunity.**

**Anyway, non-English people only, please tell us what you think English people sound like when they speak for our "research".**

**Oh and review the chapter pretty please with scones on top.**


	3. Biology Rebels

**A.N: Hi! Sasha here for once! Anyways Americans we love you really and truly!**

**Sara – Although we have said it many times before, we actually mean it so don't come to England and stalk us ******

**Sasha – Anyway back to me. In this chapter we have added ourselves as characters.**

**Sara – because we are oh so special!**

**-Sasha glares at Sara-**

**Sara – you may have noticed that our authors note is in script form. Wait is it cold in here?**

**Sasha – No it's just your imagination.**

**Sara – You don't notice the cold because you're Irish.**

**Sasha – OI!**

**Sara – Oh I love the Irish really.**

**Sasha – Anyway unfortunately we don't own the twilight characters but we do own some of their posters **

**Sara – Infact many of them –hums-**

**Sasha – SHHH!**

**-Sasha and Sara watch advert-**

**Sara - He can read minds too!**

**Sasha – Anyway enjoy people. ENJOY.**

Chapter 3- Biology Rebels

**Miss C –** You voice is louder than the one in my head! One mark off!

**Bella –** Right…..

**Miss C –** Questioning my sanity, one mark off! Okay. Back to my lesson.

–_rants on and on about crap like how to do an experiment-_

_-SARA and SASHA behind Bella roll their eyes SYMILTANIOUSLY-_

**Bella -**_ -mutters –_ you should do one on your brain.

**Miss C –** One mark off. Just because I happened to go to a mental institute does NOT mean I am crazy. Anyway in other news, can anyone think of an example of an experiment?

**SASHA –** How more biology teachers called Miss C are going to mental institutes

**SARA –** HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah you know the ones where they give you injections to make you go night night.

**SASHA –** And nice padded cells and white jackets.

**SARA –** You know the ones we're talking about _– wiggles eyebrows-_

_-Miss C walks out of the room IN TEARS-_

**Miss C –** WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

_-Class laughs-_

**SASHA -** We should bring her wardrobe back to life.

**SARA –** TO LIFE I SAY! _–raises hands dramatically-_

**SASHA –** She needs new extensions hers are looking ratty.

**SARA –** RATTY I SAY!

**SASHA –** Actually new hair would be better.

**Bella –** Those two are a bit odd.

_-SARA and SASHA stand up at the same time and bow-_

**SARA –** Thank you!

**SASHA –** You've been a great audience!

_-Everyone goes into their own conversations-_

**Bella -** -_mutters-_ I know SOOOO many people

**SASHA –** Yeah you do mate.

**SARA –** You know USSSS. Feel privileged.

_-Edward (SIGHH) turns to look at them-_

**SARA –** Hi Edward! _– Waves manically-_

**SASHA –** Why aren't you talking?

**SARA –** Someone is being antisocial. _–She waves finger in a scolding manner-_

**Edward –** Maybe I don't WANT to talk to her. _–mutters-_ Can't believe she dented my car. – Narrows eyes-

**Bella –** Maybe I don't want to talk to him _– mutters –_ Can't believe he tried to run me over with his car.

**Edward -** _-mutters- _I can't believe I missed.

**Bella **- _- mutters- _I should've jumped on the rood of your car over and over leaving a bigger dent.

**SARA –** I think their hiding their true affection for each other.

_-Edward stares at Bella's shoulder-_

_-Bell rings and Edward walks away. Then SASHA and SARA walk over to Bella-_

**SARA –** Why was Edward staring at your shoulder????????

**SASHA **– Yeah, he is like a shoulder pervert or something.

**Bella** – My shoulder feels so violated.

_-SARA and SASHA walk away and Bella walks out to fine Alice waiting outside – _

**Bella –** Hiya!

**Alice –** Hey, hey, hey! Do you want to have lunch with me? Okay come on.

**Bella –** Its only first period.

**Alice –** Oh yeah! I just got really excited.

**Bella –** About what?

**Alice –** You'll find out soon enough _–wiggles eyebrows-_

**Bella –** Why does everyone do that?

**Alice –** Do what?

**Bella –** Wiggle their eyebrows like this _–wiggles eyebrows-_

**Alice –** See it's addictive _-Alice skips away-_ See you later!

**Bella –** Yeah byee

_*3 Periods later*_

**Bella –** That went really quickly. Feels like I never went to those lessons. If this was a script time would have gone fast forward.

_-Alice walks up to her-_

**Alice –** Hey. It feels like I had just said bye to you.

**Bella –** Yes I know how you feel.

_-Walks towards canteen-_

**Bella –** This is a very big canteen.

**Alice –** Cafeteria.

**Bella –** What?

**Alice –** This is a very big cafeteria.

**Bella –** Canteen.

_-Emmett sneaks up from behind-_

**Emmett –** _-posh accent –_ Yes it's an absolutely spiffing canteen. Lets go down and purchase some scones and tea.

_-Edward comes also not seeing Bella-_

**Edward -** _-posh accent-_ Yes I would absolutely die for some fish and chips. Would you also like some mushy peas? _–Sees Bella- _Oh. It's you.

**Bella **– Oh. It's IT

_-SASHA and SARA skip past singing the Barney and Friends theme tune-_

**SASHA and SARA –** Hey Bella! _–sings-_

**Bella –** Hey. Do you mind if I eat lunch with you?

**SARA –** Sure. Why not

**Alice –** I thought you're eating with us?

**Edward –** No, no, no let her go! Please!

**Bella –** Actually I will eat with you _–smiles evilly-_

**Edward –** WHY?!?!?!?

**Bella –** Sasha and Sara why don't you eat with us?

**Edward –** DOUBLE WHY?!?!

**SASHA –** Charming. _–sits down-_

_-Miss C walks in the canteen-_

**Miss C –** Using sarcasm. One mark off.

_-goes and stands behind a pillar-_

**SASHA –** Oh dear.

_-Miss C pokes her head out-_

**Miss C –** Saying Oh dear. One mark off.

**Emmett –** You're English too!

**SARA –** Really? You think?

**Emmett –** Yeah. Look, you're even sarcastic!

**SARA –** Gosh aren't you quick!

**Emmett –** I know

_-SARA raises eyebrows doubtfully-_

**SARA –** We're been going to this school how long?

**SASHA –** Two years.

**SARA –** And you notice now.

**Emmett –** Yeah. Well. Well we don't speak to you usually.

**SASHA –** YUP. _–mutters- _rudeness _-to Emmett-_ Well we don't talk to you either so we're even.

**SARA –** Yeah! _–does battle cry-_

**Miss C –** Scaring me! One mark off!

**SASHA –** You existing. One mark off.

**Miss C –** Rudeness. One mark off.

**SASHA–** I don't have any left!

**Miss C –** Ha! I give you five marks.

**SASHA –** Yay. I now am on an F.

**Miss C –** Cheering. One mark off.

**SARA –** Aw. I bet she gave you those marks to take them off.

_-Man walks in with a beard-_

**SASHA –** HAHA, he had armpit hair on his chin!

**Emmett –** Lol. You're hilarious!!

**SARA –** hmph. What about me?

**Emmett-** Yeah you are too.

**SARA –** Sure, sure, sure.

**Emmett –** I didn't mean….

**SARA –** Don't worry I'm not the sensitive type.

**Bella-** -stares pointedly at Edward- Yeah some people don't cry over spilt milk, mean words or inanimate objects with dents in them.

_-Edward glares-_

_* End Scene*_

**A.N. Sara – This chapter took a bit longer because SASHA decided to act out and flick cake wrappers at me.**

**Sasha – What can I say? I enjoy annoying people. Also this chapter started out as revenge for a CERTAIN BLODGE TEACHER I HATE. But it's back to the story line now. ******

**Sara – imbecile**

**-Sasha sticks out her tongue-**

**Sasha – review please!!!!! We love you all!**

**Sara – Wait. Blodge?**

**Sasha- -sighs- Biology.**

**Sara- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh**

**-Sasha rolls eyes-**


	4. Awkwardness

**A.N- (Btw our authors notes are exactly what we talk about before we write the chapter, we just write it down, no matter how random it is.)**

**Sasha- Hi we are writing this in our R.E. lesson. WE RULE!**

**Sara- Not that you don't know that already. So we just wanted to say hi. Um was that what I was supposed to say? What was I supposed to say?**

**Sasha- Religion and Social harmony.**

**Sara- Um. Sasha that's our R.E title. It's supposed to be written in our book.**

**Sasha- I know.**

**Sara- Seriously we didn't plan for that to be written, it was totally by accident. SEE we are unintentionally funny.**

**-Sara and Sasha are laughing so much right now that their class look at them like their crazy- (They don't know we're writing a script right now)**

**-Sasha grins in a humorous fashion-**

**Sasha- Anywho in other news in this chapter…erm? Sara?**

**Sara- Erm what? I don't know what your demented mind thinks about. Maybe R.E. It's quite hard to copy notes and write a script. We really should be paying attention to the teacher.**

**-Sara and Sasha listen to the teacher for 2 minutes-**

**Sara- WTF?!?! Why are they talking about shaving and waxing…now shopping? Strange people.**

**Sasha- Are you surprised with OUR class. Omg, we are debating shopping techniques.**

**Sara- Yeah and the teacher is telling the boys how to tell a girl that their clothes look good. What a crazy class.**

**Sara- looked confused and slightly scared-**

**Sasha- Isn't this meant to be an author's note?**

**Sara- Haha. Oh yes. Um, well, on behalf of both of us I would like to apologise on our late update. Sorry. Just blame Sasha if you're angry. It's fun :) Okay maybe it is a teensy tiny bit my fault because I was supposed to type up the chapter but I didn't so sorry. *cough* BLAME SASHA *cough***

**-Sasha glares-**

**Sasha- Your mum.**

**-Sasha sticks out her tongue-**

**Sara- Real immature. And what does my mum have to do with anything. Your face! I just had to say something back.**

**Sasha- Your life. Anywho bye bye.**

**Sara- Yeah. Have fun reading. Byeeee! Oh and review or I shall be sad. Poor me. Before I forget, you can now give anonymous reviews! Yay! Oh one more thing! We love Rosalie, she is awesome but at the moment she is a meanie, therefore the characters may be cruel to her but we still love her!**

Chapter 4- Awkwardness

_-Edward and Bella glare at each other across the table while Sara and Sasha bop up and down grinning like loons-_

**Emmett-** -_posh accent_- Why may I ask are you bopping to and fro?

**Sara-** It's jolly well...

**Sasha-** -_jumps up_- FUNNNNN!

-_Both start swaying more vigorously_-

**Sasha-** Before you ask...

**Sara-** We're swaying because it's fun. I'm getting dizzy!

**Sasha-** Me too.

**Rosalie-** You two are odd.

**Sasha-** At least we're not boring blondes who enjoy making fun of others who enjoy the simple things in life.

**Sara-** Hint, hint.

**Rosalie-** What are you hinting at?

**Sara-** You're the blonde you retarded idiot!

-_Rosalie gasps_-

**Sasha-** Finally you understand!

**Sara-** Or does she? _–wiggles eyebrows-_

**Bella-** Ha! You guys are legends!

**Sasha-** I know, we're amazing people.

**Sara-** Actually I'm not a legend, I'm a myth.

**Rosalie-** WTF!

**Sara-** A myth.

**Rosalie-** Yeah I heard you.

**Sasha-** Did you blondie? Did. You. Understand?

**Sara-** I don't think she does. You. Are. A. Retard.

_-1 minute later-_

**Rosalie-** I'm not!

**Sasha-** Took her long to answer.

**Sara-** Too long.

**Sasha-** Maybe a bit too long.

**Rosalie-** Sara said that already.

**Sasha-** _-thinks-_ Your face.

**Rosalie-** What about it?

**Sara-** It's ugly. No hideous. I shall have nightmares for years.

**Rosalie-** That is offensive,

**Sara**- Eeek! Her face! Cover it with a bag! It burns!

**Sasha-** Aww, we're being mean to her...good.

**Sara-** Yes. This amuses me.

_-Rosalie tries to think of a comeback-_

**Sasha-** Well?

_-Rosalie hangs head in shame-_

**Sasha-** HA! WE WIN! SARA WE WON!

**Sara-** Aha! I like winning!

**Bella- **Erm.

**Emmett- **Yes erm.

-_Edward glares-_

**Bella-** Is there something in your eyes?

**Edward-** Apart from my eyeball, no.

**Sara and Sasha-** Weird.

**Bella-** Yes he is.

**Edward-** Stop talking about me like I'm not here.

**Bella-** Maybe you're not.

**Edward-** I think I am.

**Bella-** You would, wouldn't you?

**Edward**- Yes I would.

**Bella**- AHA!

**Edward**- Aha what?

**Bella**- Oh I thought it would make you confess.

**Edward**- Confess what?

**Bella**- That you're not here.

**Edward**- But I am.

_-Bella jumps up-_

**Bella**- LIES!!!

_-Edward sighs-_

**Edward**- Must you be so weird?

**Bella**- Yes. It's a hobby of mine.

**Edward**- I think you should give it up,

**Bella**- Hahaha no. I'm not quitter.

**Edward**- Damn you Watson.

**Bella**- Yes. And I'M the weird one.

**Edward**- I thought I just said that.

**Bella**- Damn you and your cunning wit.

**Edward**- -_smirks_- Aw, cunning wit, thanks.

**Bella**- Grrr, I was being sarcastic.

**Edward**- LIES AND SLANDER!

**Bella**- Shutup!

**Edward**- No. You Shutup.

**Sara**- No, Yoooouuu Shutup!

_-Everyone looks at her-_

**Sasha**- _-pats Sara on the shoulder_- Ummm what was that for?

**Sara**- I felt left out.

**Sasha**- You have issues.

**Sara**- -_thinks for a while_- No I don't. Just those voices, they're a chatty bunch.

-_Everyone stares while Sasha nods solemnly-_

**Sasha**- I know what you mean.

**Sara**- It's great to know I'm not alone.

**Bella**- You guys are joking, right?

**Sara**- -_looks around nervously_- Yeah...um....sure.

_-Everyone looks scared-_

**Sara**- -_bursts out laughing_- Of course I was! Right Sasha?

**Sasha**- Erm –_looks shifty_- Course!

-_Sara coughs nervously-_

**Sara**- Back to reality! Ummmmm did anyone watch the MTV Movie Awards the other night?

**Everyone**- Yeah.

**Sara**- Haha. It was hilarious when Kristen Stewart dropped the award, although I do feel sorry for her. And ooooh Twilight won tons of awards.

**Edward**- I hate that movie. That vampire, Edward, is weird.

**Bella**- Kind of reminds me of you,

_-Edward glares-_

**Sasha**- Does anyone find it ironic that how the main characters of Twilight are Bella and Edward who fall in love. And your names are Bella and Edward who hate each other. Same names, both passionate emotions eh. EH. _-Wiggles eyebrows-_

**Sara**- Oh yeah! Wow! IT'S A SIGN! DESTINY! FATE!

**Bella**- COINCIDENCE!

**Sara**- Shun the non-believer! Shun! She lies! You can see it in her chocolate brown eyes which so happens to be the same colour eyes as Bella's! Coincidence? I think not! So HAH! Take that you fictional character clone! Edward wants your blood!

**Edward**- In a manner yes.

**Bella**- -_gasps_- Morbid!

**Edward**- Fine. But I'm glad I ran you over. –_grins_-

**Bella**- I'm glad I dented your car.

_-Edward's grin falters-_

**Emmett**- He didn't even do a proper job of running you over.

**Alice**- EMMETT!

**Emmett**- What? It was a casual observation.

**Alice**- You can't just say those things! Do you ever think?

**Emmett**- I want a dancing monkey! Oh and what about free speech!

**Alice**- It's dead! DEAD!

**Emmett**- Wow. Aren't you a constant downer?

**Sasha**- Why must you be a downer?!?

-_Everyone stares-_

**Alice**- Erm...sorry?

**Sasha**- Your welcome.

**Alice**- Huh?

_-Sasha smiles sweetly-_

**Sara**- I'm sorry about this. She gets this way when she breathes oxygen.

**Alice**- That's all the time.

**Sara**- -_looks sad_- I know. –_shakes head sadly-_

**Sasha**- Sara. I see a dancing donkey.

**Sara**- You might want to breathe then.

_-Sasha breathes again-_

**Sasha**- Oh no! It's gone.

-_Sasha holds breath-_

**Sasha**- There he is...

**Sara**- I think you need to breathe now.

**Sasha**- But it's fun!

**Sara**- Shutup and breathe.

**Sasha**- Fine then. _–breathes-_

**Bella**- Sara, Sasha. If you're done we should go to class now. Bye guys!

_-Bella jumps up and runs out with Sasha and Sara skipping behind-_

**END SCENE!**

**A.N- So you like?**

**I know it's kind of random but we like random conversations and we wanted to add it in the story :D**

**Please be nice and review because we love you all!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Lets get this party started!

**A.N-**

**Sara- Huzzah ! It seems we're still alive.**

**Sasha- Speak for yourself. Blodge is killing me…**

**Sara- …softly with his words (8)**

**-Sasha sways-**

**Sasha- Kim calls Sara Zara. BAHAHA.**

**Sara (or is it Zara)- I know what my own name is thank you very much...Sara :) 2 years and I didn't correct her –stares at window wistfully-**

**Sasha- Your name is now Zara the Zebra.**

**Sara- Biology is seriously killing your brain cells. SHE'S ACTUALLY DOING WORK! Quelle disaster!**

**Miss C- You're obviously not talking but your mouth is moving and noise is coming out.**

**Sasha- She irks me.**

**Sara- Irks? What a queer word –puzzled face- Miss keeps drifting around us, she is impinging on my personal space, now that irks me.**

**Miss C- Have you finished...no!...I can't believe...**

**-Sasha jumps in-**

**Sasha- I'VE FINISHED!!!**

**-Throws book in teacher's face-**

**Miss C-Oh er...**

**-Sasha watches as Miss C's brain breaks down-**

**-Teacher leaves-**

**Leila- You're so normal.**

**Sasha- I never implied I was normal.**

**Sean- Yes you have.**

**Sara- Random people stop getting involved in our script. I believe his is a Sara and Sasha script not...Sasha stop shouting to James from across the class, I'm trying to write...**

**-Sasha walks over to James and Orla and walks back with them-**

**Sara- Oh dear, you brought the two of them over her. Why dear god?!**

**Sasha- Sorry maaan.**

**Sara- This is a dangerous combo. Already my brain hurts because of the intense case of randomness.**

**Sasha- I feel sick.**

**Sara- Why?**

**-Sasha has flashback-**

**-Sara disturbs it-**

**Sara- I was there fool, I know what happened.**

**-Sara un-disturbs flashback-**

**Sara- Apparently the flashback is not in order. I "destroyed" it according to Sasha.**

**Sasha- YOU RUINED IT!**

**Sara- Very well. I think we should actually start the chapter.**

**Sasha-YOU RUINED IT! -Goes off in strop-**

**Sara- Very well. –Hums to herself-**

**-Sasha doesn't say anything-**

**-Sara continues humming-**

**Sara- END OF BLODGE LESSON!**

**(we are writing this online now, just thought you might want to know why the layout changed for the authors note)**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

Chapter 5- Let's get this party started

i thought i would name it that

now from now on whatever we are writing shall be in the script

any last words

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

yes i do and they r wise words

what doyou call a french man wearing sandals?

PHILIP PHLOP

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

lol i should just involve this in the script too lol

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

lmao good one my feathered friend

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

i think you should add tht to our banter before the chapter tbh

LOOL

i agree

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

wow we are like on the same page here

great minds think alike and all that jazz.

doesn't explain you though

joking

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

charmin

you are no longer my fenetre

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

no i want to be your window!!! please!

dont leave me!!!

i'll be lost without you!!!

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

its too late

you are no longer my fenetre

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

my life is forever an empty casym without that title, I have nothing to live for. _-heads towards a cliff and does a Bella-_

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

NOOOOO

IM SORRY

YOUR STILL MY FENETRE

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

Yay! Gimme a second! _-Smiles at a topless Jacob Black who saved my life-_

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

phwaooooor

god i love him

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

lol i know! _-fans herself-_

like we said on facebook, it is stupid to love a fictional character or a celebrity because chances are we are never going to meet them and therefore we are like perves for oogling them (lol oogling, great word)

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

_-melts-_

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

did you not pay attention to what i just wrote lol

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

nein

when do i ever pay attention

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

ummmmm.... never

why doesn't anyone love any of the minor characters? Tyler sounds rather fetching.

okay no he doesn't not compared to eduardo

_-sighs-_

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

:l

jacob is PHWAOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

***~§AЯA~*~ says:**

well i'm team edward yet team taylor, you see my logic

they are two different people my friend.

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

oui i see the logic

i agree mon fenetre

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

yay! maybe we should begin the chapter now :/

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LMAOO

maybe

**Chapter 5- Let's get this party started.**

**Sara- **Soooo, Bella we were wondering...We have this awesome party tonight and we thought that you could come to it.

**Bella- **Wait! You were having a party tonight and you tell me now.

**Sara- **Well duh! We thought you would realise by now since practically the whole school is coming, even Eduardo!

**Edward- **Excuse me! My name is not Eduardo but Edward. Big difference.

**Sara- **Sure it is Eddie the stalker who stalked us here. Has a ring to it, Eddie the stalker.

**Edward **– I'm not a stalker.

**S****asha -** Did you follow us here?

**E****dward-** Well yes but...

**S****asha –** STALKERRRRRRRRRRR!

**E****dward-**I'M IN THE SAME CLASS AS YOU!

**S****asha -** YOU SWITCHED CLASSES TO BE WITH US?? YOU STALKER!

**Sara-** You are in our class... huh? Maybe it's your cloud of deep dark depression that hovers around you constantly that hides you from us. Wow I'm so philosophical.

_-everyone stares-_

**S****asha**- That was weird even for you.

**Sara- **Thankyou. I suprise myself sometimes. But back to the real question, who are you and what are you doing here?

**Edward- **Edward and I just told you!

**Sara- **Ah yes, Eddie the stalker.

**Edward- **Edward.

**Sara- **Yes, Eduardo.

**Edward- **Why do I even bother?

**Sara- **Yes why do you?

**Edward- **I just...argh...I'm going.

**Sara- **Like the way I got rid of him, I am the expert of scaring people away.

**B****ella -** BYE EDUARDO!

**E****dward -** Bye.....erm.....BYE JINGLE BELLS.

**B****ella -** Is that my nickname?

**E****dward -** Yes.

**B****ella -** Erm. right

**S****asha-** Edward. That was pretty good. There is hope for you yet!

**E****dward -** Thank you?

**S****asha-** Bless you

**E****dward-** What?

**S****asha-** How?

**S****ara -** Why?

**S****asha -** When?

**S****ara-** who?

**E****dward -** SHUT UP!

**Sara-** -_whispers to Sasha_- Someone's grumpy since a certain somebody doesn't return another somebody's affection.

**Sasha-** Huh?

**Sara-** Let me put it in terms you can understand...Bella and Edward sitting in a tree –_Sasha joins in_- K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes...

**B****ella -** Erm.

**E****dward **- AND YOU CAN SHUT UP TOO!

**B****ella -** I CONDEM YOU TO HELL!

**S****asha -** HELL I SAY!

**Sara-** Woah, that was harsh, hell? Never took you as a curse type of person, more voodoo.

**Sasha-** Well you know....

**Sara-** I know a lot of things, what do I know now. Do I know the things that I must know nowadays to be in the know, for what is the know, is it the know now or now know or is it just know but now I know kind of thing...is it?

**Sasha-** ermmmmm?

**Sara-** Tell me! I demand to know now!!!

**S****asha –** It's....erm.....KNOW NOW!!

**S****ara** **- **Are you sure?

**S****asha-** YES!

**B****ella -** Guys...what was it about a party...

**S****asha -** OH RIGHT!

**Sara-** Party? What is this girl on? Who's having a party?! I want to go! First day here and she is already invited to a party and we're not! I shall wreak a terrible and swift vengeance upon this "party thrower"!

_-__S__asha whispers to sara how its her party-_

**S****ara -** We're having a party??? WHEN?!

**S****asha -** Erm.....tonight.

**Sara****-** WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME?!

**Sasha-** Well you did organise it.

**Sara-** How dare you assume such things?!

_-Sasha sighs-_

**Sara-** Answer me peasant!

**Sasha-** Peasant?

**Sara-** Let's not stray from the subject at hand...we're throwing a party?

**Sasha-** Yes the party you organised last week for tonight.

**Sara-** .... OH!!! That party. Why didn't you just say that?! Always have to complicate things don't you?

**Sasha**** –** I'm sorry.

**S****ara -** YOU SHOULD BE YOU FIEND!

**B****ella -** GUYS SERIOUSLY.

**S****ara and ****S****asha -** What?

**B****ella -** What is this party?

**S****asha and ****S****ara -** THERES A PARTY??

**S****asha-** WHEN?

**Sara -** WHERE?

**B****ella -** IT'S YOUR PARTY

**S****asha-** OOOOOH THAT ONE

_-__B__ella Sighs-_

**Sara-** Seriously what's with that girl and parties?

**Sasha-** Yeah, don't we have lessons?

**Sara-** I assume so...Let us travel onwards!

**Sasha-** To infinity and beyond as Buzzlightyear my hero says.

**Sara-** I thought I was your hero!

**Sasha-** Yeahh umm about that...

**Bella-** Guys the party!

**Sara-** Jesus what is with you and that imaginary party?

**Sasha-** Jesus?! Where?!

**Bella-** YOUR PARTY!

**Sara-** Ah I see, you want me to throw a party. Very well for you I shall. How about next week, I have a party tonight. Oh you can come over if you want, it shall be a blast m'dear.

**Bella-** YOU SAID YOU WERE HAVING ONE TONIGHT?

**Sasha -** Do you have anger issues??

**Bella -** NOO. BUT YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING.

**Sara -** OKAY OKAY. i will have a party tonight, just CALM DOWN

**Bella-** You said before you...Argh...your so confusing.

_-Bella stalks off to class-_

**Sara-** _-__B__rushes hands together-_ Another person successfully chased away.

**Sasha-** Two in the span of ten minutes, we're on a roll...

**Sara-** ...down a hill...

**Sasha-** ...to class...

**Sara-** ...for another mind stimulating lesson, of course!!!

**Sasha-** I'm surprised she believed the act of you pretending not to know we were having a party tonight.

**Sara**- Yes _–shifty eyes-_ Act....

**Sasha - **You're a very good actress

**Sara- **Thank you....

**Sasha- **You weren't acting were you.

**Sara- **Not for one minute, no.

**Sasha- **Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

**Sara- **THANK YOU....

**Sasha - **BLESS YOU

**Sara-** I didn't sneeze.

**Sasha-** I never said you did.

**Sara-** But you said bless you.

**Sasha-** Yes...

**Sara-** Ah I see. You're trying to confuse me, well it shan't work on moi, for I am an unshakable force of...non-confusality, yeah I'm cool.

**S****asha-** Ahah did you here what i said in french today???

**S****ara –** Non.

**S****asha-** AHH WELL j'adore ma mere, ma cousine et ma fenetre.

**S****ara -** Fenetre?

**S****asha -** Window.

**S****ara -** You love your mum, your cousin and your window??

**S****asha-** WHAT HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST MY WINDOW!?!

**Sara-** Nothing, its beautiful man. Don't push me out of your window! I shan't survive! I am neither vampire nor werewolf!!!

**Sasha-** Neither am I.

**Sara-** Are you sure?

**Sasha-** Kind of. I can never be sure.

**Sara-** Well my window lover, my party shall be a blast; we should probably set it up now _-heads to car-_

**Sasha-** We still have lesson.

**Sara-** Are you sure....?

**S****asha -** yes im sure. but its only maths. we can go set up if you want

**S****ara –** OKAY

**Sara-** Now to set Bella and Edward up together -_chuckles mania__cl__y to herself-_

**Sasha-** You know I'm still here right?

**Sara-** Yup _-continues laughing maniacly to herself-_

_-Sasha joins in nervously but gets into the evil spirit-_

_-Sara stops laughing and glares at Sasha-_

**Sara-** You can stop now.

**Sasha-** _-stops abruptly-_ ahem, sorry, guess I got caught up.

**Sara-** I understand. To my house, we're throwing a party.

**Sasha-** We are?

**A.N- We hope you liked the chapter. Please review and make our day. We have exams at the moment so this would make us feel oh so happy :)**

**Thanks for reading!!!**


	6. Can you feel the love tonight!

A.N- (We decided to write these chapters online, it's so much quicker to write this way! As usual Sasha and I are having a random banter on the computer, thought you might want to read it :) )

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

random talkies startes now!

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

okay wierd banter from....

NOW

LOOOOOOOL

Anyway.

i dunno what to say.

i have run out of random banter.

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

ummm hello.

no, you are made of randomness so you cant be out of it.

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

OMG WAIT!

WAIT!

Okay!

i have some banter.

listen to what my mum received about me:

'sasha has been working very hard in chemistry this year and i am proud to say that this resulted in an A*. however her practical use of equipment could be improved as i found when she worked with one of her friends i was very unimpressed. please could you talk to her about the situation;

BLOOMIN CHEEK.

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

lmao so i hope this friend is not me :/

we failed that experiment

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LOOL it probably will be

ahh :') that experiment was legend

'why isn't it workng sara?!'

'did you add the thiosulphate???'

'erm....the what?'

-sara and james laugh hysterically at sasha-

you guys suck

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

he was so angry at us, but its your fault for not adding the catalysts lol, then the next time you added to much, it was like 2 seconds when it was supposed to be a minute

we should never mix the pretty colours up again

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LOOL

but it was FUN

we will never work with james again its that simple

hey there delilah whats it like in new york city (8)

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

haha he just keeps drifting over to us

why isnt orla in our class to distract him

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

to behonest, he has no faith in us

(sir that is)

this is vair true

he just sits there and annoys me instead -_-

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

when she let me in physics he kept distracting us!!! like anoyingly with a pyramid of chairs

lol if its not james, its frankie

cant believe he called you a trollop

well he thought it meant frumpy

but he did say meaner things :/

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

I CANNOT BELIEVE HE CALLED ME A TROLLOP PIECE OF SHIT ON THEBOTTOM OF HIS SHOE BITCH

what a skank

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

lol poor you

haha french was amusing today

nessa and i kept doing french and italian accents

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LOOOOL

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

and we were doing this excercises on the computer and there was this one called my boyfriend so of course I went "I'm going to do my boyfriend" and then they all stared at me weirdly, i got it after a minute and then everything i said was examined for sexual innuendos :/

emily kept singing "it's amore" and sir walked up behind her and said "yes it seems like this excercise is too hard for you" i mean he was like standing right behind us, it was so creepy.

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

lunch was SOOOOO funny today, i was sat there watching james and amar fight :')

okay i think we should start the chapter now

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

im sure people are bored of our banter

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

okay i agree

btw i named the chapter can you feel the love tonight

felt it was appropriate

**Chapter 6- Can you feel the love tonight.**

**Bella-** Ouch, you stood on my foot!

**Edward-** Well if your foot stayed out of my way we would not be having this problem now, would we?

**Bella-** I believe we would, your foot has foot radar! It is after me!

**Edward-** I think there must be lack of oxygen in here because you're...

**Bella-** ...making me breathless. Yeah heard it all before.

**Edward-** No I was going to say crazy but if you crave my affection that much just carry on thinking that. It's dark in here.

**Bella-** No shit Sherlock. 'Cause cupboard are known for their spacious areas and bright, airy atmosphere, especially their great lighting conditions.

**Edward -** You know it's not MY fault we are in here?

**Bella -** Yes it is.

**Edward -** No its not.

**Bella**- Yes it is.

**Edward -** NO IT ISNT!

**Bella -** You have anger issues.

**Edward -** NO I DO NOT!

**Bella –** You're like an angry lil...kitten.

**Edward -** Kitten??

**Bella -** Yes. You think you're scary. But you're not

_-Edward glares-_

**Bella -** SEE. YOU LOOK LIKE A TWAT YET YOU THINK YOU'RE SCARY!

**Edward -** You annoy me.

**Bella-** Good! I see the feeling is mutual.

**Edward-** You hate me?

**Bella-** Welll....to be perfectly honest...OF COURSE!

**Edward-** Why?

**Bella-** Umm let's see...you may have tried to run me over with your car!

**Edward-** Like Emmett pointed out, I was unsuccessful.

**Bella-** Well I'm so sorry you didn't succeed. Maybe next time I will just lie down on the road so that you can try again.

**Edward- **If you insist.

**Bella -** You're horrible

_-Walks to corner-_

**Edward -** You know walking away from me isn't very effective in a cupboard.

**Bella –** I hadn't noticed.

**Edward -** Oh well you see this is a small area, which confines you to...

**Bella -** I KNOW I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!

Edward - WELL SORRY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND YOUR WIT!

**Bella -** Aww you think I'm witty?

**Edward-** Of course not. I was being sarcastic.

**Bella-** You can't out sarcasm me! I'm English!

**Edward-** And I'm Edward.

**Bella-** Your point...

**Edward-** I am superior to that little mind which cannot comprehend the amaziness that I possess in every single cell of my body.

_-Bella guffaws-_

**Edward-** _-glares-_ Did you guffaw at me?

**Bella-** Yes, seems like your cells are made out of bullshit rather than "amaziness". Wow comprehend that dumbass!

**Edward -** I have noticed you swear a lot. I find that offensive.

**Bella -** Well I find your face offensive.

**Edward -** That wasn't a very nice thing to say.....

**Bella -** Meh.

**Edward -**...

**Bella -** Have left you speechless?

**Edward –** No, shut up.

**Bella -** Make me.

**Edward -** ARGH YOU'RE SO ANNOYING.

**Bella -** That's what she said.

**Edward -** eh?

**Bella -**You know what I mean -_wiggles eyebrows suggestively-_

**Edward -** Erm no I don't actually.

**Bella-** Are you gay then?

**Edward-** NO!

**Bella-** I don't mind. I'm not homophobic. You can tell me _–pats shoulder reassuringly-_

**Edward-** I'm not! I like women!

**Bella-** -_sighs_- Edward, honesty is always the best policy.

**Edward-** I am being honest.

**Bella-** Well it makes sense if you are gay. Explains why you are so hot yet you haven't got a girlfriend _–gasps in shock and covers mouth-_

**Edward-** _-smirks in his true hot way-_ Hot?

**Bella-** _-stammers-_ yeah ummm, hot...as in temperature, do you have a fever? SWINE FLU!

**Edward -** Don't change the subject, you think I'm hot?

**Bella **_- -hangs head_- well yes....but you're still an ass.

**Edward -** But a HOT one

**Bella -** Shut up!

**Edward-** So why don't you have a boyfriend, EH?

**Bella -** Well....cos like. Yeah shut up.

**Edward-** Wellllll are you gunna tell me or not?

**Bella -** It's no big deal! No one has asked me out...ANYWAY I MOVED HERE LIKE YESTERDAY GIVE ME A CHANCE!

**Edward -** you're a lezzy init?

**Bella **- Don't talk chav mate you can't pull it off.

**Edward -** Well you're too sweet to be chavvy.

**Bella** - ...

**Edward -** WAIT NO I MEAN ERM...

**Bella-** Sweet, eh?

**Edward**- No, well so are dogs.

**Bella-** _-gasps- _Did you just call me a bitch!!!

**Edward-** -_looks shocked_- No! I meant that...

**Bella-** That I'm a female dog!!!

**Edward-** No, Dogs are sweet too but they can vicious and...

**Bella-** Vicious! What am I! A scary dog that needs to be avoided in case I bite you and have rabies! Is that what I am to you! A rabid bitch!

**Edward-** No they're vicious when they need to be but beautiful and sweet –_Edward clasps hands over mouth in shocked manner-_

**Bella-** Oh I see...._ -Bella gasps- _beautiful and sweet?

**Edward-** Yeah well...that's dogs, you on the hand....

**Bella-** Don't avoid the subject. You think I'm beautiful and sweet?

**Edward-** PFFFT AHAHAHHAHA. Well. Erm. Yeah.

**Bella -** awwwwww

**Edward -** Is that's all you have to say?

**Bella –** awwwwwwwww.

**Edward –** Erm.

**Bella –** .

**Edward -** You can stop now...

**Bella- **.

**Edward -** Ahaha. Erm. Yeah so how long do you think we will be stuck in here?

**Bella -** Well its Sasha and Sara who locked us in. Could be weeks.

**Edward -**But I have a hairdresser's appointment.

**Bella -** Could you be any more gay?

**Edward-** Yes, but I'm not, so hah!

**Bella-** Who knows, you could be.

**Edward-** But I'm not.

**Bella-** Prove it.

_-Edward pulls Bella towards him and kisses her-_

_-They pull away out of breath-_

**Bella-** I didn't mean like that.

**Edward- **You practically dared me.

**Bella-** Well I didn't in so many words.

**Edward-** Admit you enjoyed it.

**Bella-** Welll....

**Edward-** Admit it.

**Bella-** Fine I did, but I would have enjoyed it more if I knew if you were thinking about a guy or not.

**E****dward –** I'm not gay.

**B****ella -** But I don't believe you.

**E****dward **- How can I prove it to you?

**B****ella -** Do you own any handbags?

**E****dward-** No....

**B****ella -** So you won't mind me looking in your room then?

**E****dward -** YOU ARE NOT GOING IN MY ROOM!

**B****ella -** ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. Don't hit me with your handbag JEEEEESH.

**E****dward-** I DON'T OWN A HANDBAG!

**Bella-** GOD OKAY CALM DOWN!

_-__E__dward calms self down-_

**B****ella -** So.....who were you thinking about when you kissed me?

**E****dward -** Just this girl...she pisses me off...but I like her.

_-__B__ella slumps shoulders-_

**B****ella-** Oh...she sounds nice.

**Edward-** I didn't even describe her to you.

**Bella-** Yeah but still...anyone that you like has to be great isn't it.

**Edward-** She is.

**Bella-** See!

**Edward-** But the thing is I like her but I'm not sure if she likes me.

**Bella-** Awww. Boo hoo. Cry me a river. What is up with people. Be a man and tell her. Stop pining over her like some lovesick fool! I hate people like that. If you just stand around watching her like some stalker but not doing anything about it well then...you're just more stupid than I thought and that is like twig intelligence. Although I think twigs are rather big geniuses, lying there in wait to trip the next person up, muahahhahahaha, evilly genius. Back to what I was telling you...Man up and tell her or I will lose what little respect I have for you!

**Edward- **You respect me?

**Bella-** I said LITTLE respect. JUST FUCKING TELL HER!

**Edward- **I just did.

**Bella-** OOOO WHERE IS SHE??

**Edward -** You're the only person in here...

**Bella **- So you texted her?

**Edward-** No....

**Bella-** Well then how did you tell her?

**Edward**- ...

**Bella-** OOOO WAIT!

**A.N- Dun dun dunnnnnnn! ****We left cliff-hanger. Watch as the story dangles from a cliff with Sasha and I laughing manically at its peril, muahahahhaha. **

**Review and then MAYBE we shall move the story to a safer destination like a train road track and tie it there like in those cool black and white films. **

**BACK TO REALITY...hope you guys liked the chapter. We will try and update as soon as we can.**

**Thanks for reading...NOW REVIEW. The stories life is in your hands :)**


	7. Sara and Sasha win again!

**A.N- THANKS GUYS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!!**

**You saved the story! Yay! Kudos for all you guys! We love you all!**

**Btw, we didn't do a long wacky authors note today, we wrote enough of the chapter to not need it, plus it's the weekend so meh, sleeeeepy.**

**Chapter 6- Sara and Sasha win again!!!**

**E****dward –** Bella, I...

_-__S__asha and __S__ara open the door-_

**S****asha-** ARE YOU FRIENDS YET??

**S****ara –** 'Cos if not we will lock you in for a bit longer.

**B****ella-** Erm, well. yeah we are friends.

**S****asha -** WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO must be love, love love DA DAA.

**S****ara -** Eh?

**S****asha-** Meh.

**B****ella-** GUYS SERIOUSLY SHUT UP!

**S****asha -** Someones grouchy.

**S****ara -**BAHAHAHA grouchy _-wipes tear from eye-_

**E****dward-** Bella I...

**B****ella-** Erm...must dash i have a train to catch.

**Sara-** Train?! What kind of train are you guys catching at this time of night. Weirdo. Maybe the train to psychoville where you rule as supreme emperor of stupid! Why don't you wear a freaking sign saying "HURT ME!"

**Sasha-** Sara's right...for once.

**Sara-** Damn right I'm right...as usual.

_-Sasha coughs dramatically-_

**Sara-** You should get some cough syrup for that one, sounds a bit nasty...Don't go there.

**Sasha-** _-looks confused-_ Go where?

**Sara-** You know, say like your face.

**Sasha-** How did you know?

**Sara**- I've known you for too long mon ami.

**Bella-** Okay as lovely as this is, I'm going home.

**Sasha-** Oh no you're not!!!

**Sara-** We did not lock you in there for no reason.

**Edward-** So it was you!

**Sasha-** When she says we she means me as in her not me as in I meaning me, Sasha.

**Sara-** You helped!

**Sasha-** I did no such thing!

**Sara-** Lies! This is a conspiracy against me! Now get back in there!

_-shuts the door on Bella and Edward again-_

**Sara-** Haha! We win yet again! And Sasha you will rue the day you defied my orders!!!

**Sasha -** ORDERS?? IM NO SLAVE!

**Sara -** I AM YOUR MASTER YOU DO AS I SAY!

**Sasha -** MAKE ME!

**Sara -** Meh.

**Sasha -** BAHAHAHA. I WIN!

**Sara-** Meh.

**Sasha **- Hmmm. I still say it was your fault.

**Sara -** Meh.

**Sasha -** Maybe we should think back. You know like in films when they have a flash back.

**Sara -** Meh.

**Sasha -** In fact I think I will have a flashback as they say in film speak right now.

**Sara -** Meh.

**Sasha-** I'M SORRY JUST HELP WITH MY FLASHBACK!

**Sara –** FINE!

_-Flash back starts here-_

**Sara -** Okay so how are we going to set bella and edward up _- wiggles eyebrows suggestively-_

**S****asha -** Remember last time we tried to set two people up....they left the state.

**Sara -** BUT ITS DIFFERENT THIS TIME!

**Sasha -** No its not. They will get a restraining order on us like last time!

**S****ara -** But this time Bella is our friend!

**S****asha **-True my fenetre, so very true.

**Sara -** So you will help me?

**Sasha -** OUI.

**Sara-** Why thank you mon ami.

**S****asha -** You're welcome.

_-__S__ara smiles-_

**S****asha-** Let me just put my logic beard on.

**S****ara-** Logic beard?

**S****asha-** OUI

_-__P__uts on beard__-_

**Sara-** Hmmm, it's beautiful my friend, it has that goatish look to it. I prefer thinking moustaches, you know the sinister ones you can twirl around. _–Puts on thinking moustache-_

**Sasha**- It looks rather dashing.

**Sara-** I know. I look so fetching.

**Sasha-** Back to the plan! What is it this time?

**Sara-** Simple my dear Watson...We lure them into a cupboard _–Sasha interrupts Sara's plan rudely-_

**Sasha-** And how will we do that?

**Sara-** Let me get to that bit!!! Patience is a virtue.

**Sasha-** No it isn't! You say so yourself.

**Sara**- In this case when I'm speaking it is. So, Taissez-vous.

**Sasha-** Fine shushing.

**Sara-** You're failing at it.

_-Sasha opens her mouth to speak but Sara glares at her and Sasha stops-_

**Sara-** Now _–twirls moustache-_ I will get them so annoyed by some rather amazing people. Toi et moi. They will dash to the cupboard in which they will seek refuge in and there we shall lock them in there until they settle their disputes.

**Sasha-** Will it work?

**Sara-** Of course, I did engineer this plan after all. It's foolproof so stay away from it you fool, and Emmett, must keep him away at all costs.

**Sasha-** _-strokes beard in a pensive manner-_ How long will we keep them in there?

**Sara-** For however long it will take.

**Sasha-** What if that's never.

**Sara-** Then they shall be there forever –chuckles sinisterly while twirling moustache-

**Sasha-** What about food and water?

**Sara**- What about it?

**Sasha**- Don't they need that to survive.

**Sara**- Psshhht, they can man up and live with it.

**Sasha-** They won't be able to it they don't have food and water. And stop doing that it's distracting.

_-Sara stops combing moustache- _

**Sara-** _-sighs impatiently-_ Fine! And what happened to the old Sasha, the one who didn't care as much! What happened to her cruel heartless ways!

**Sasha-** She grew up _–turns away dramatically-_

_-Sara's eyes water-_

**Sara-** _-quiet voice-_ I see how it is. I'm just going to plan this by myself then _–sniffles and heads out of room with head down-_

**Sasha-** Wait! No, I'll help.

_-Sara jumps back into room-_

**Sara-** Now that you've come to your senses, it's time to prepare!

_-Flashback ends-_

**Sara-** Sasha, have you put your beard back on?

**Sasha-** Oui, I also have a pipe.

**Sara -** Seriously?

_-Sasha produces pipe from pocket-_

**Sasha -** Never doubt me mon petit pally.

**Sara-** When do you think we should let them out?

**Sasha -** Well I haven't heard them fighting each other...I say we take another look.

_-Sasha opens cupboard to see Edward and Bella snogging-_

**Sasha **- OIOI WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE THEN!

**Bella -** Are you wearing a beard?

**Edward- **Is that a pipe?

**Sasha-** Oui, now don't change the subject.

**Edward-** Erm well...you see...

**Sara-** Eduardo don't lie now. God is watching.

**E****dward-** WE WERE SNOGGING.

**S****ara -**WOW.

**S****asha **- I KNEW this would happen.

**S****ara-** Sasha. God is watching.

**S****asha-** Okay i lied but still...

**S****ara -** Who is this god everyone is so afraid of?

**S****asha **- YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN JESUS!

**S****ara-** OF COURSE I DO. BUT WHOSE GOD?

**S****asha-**JESUS'S DADDY.

**S****ara -** GOD HAD SEX?

**S****asha**- No it was a virgin birth.

**S****ara-** Oh thats okay then. _–strokes moustache- _Doesn't make sense though how he is always watching us. Sounds kind of stalkerish. Is he here now?

**Sasha**- _-nods solemnly-_ He is everywhere.

**Sara-** -_squeals-_ REALLY?! –_Jumps back in shock-_ Oh I'm so sorry god! Sasha I think I hit god!

**Sasha-** Not literally!

**Sara-** Are you sure?

**Sasha-** Yup but he is watching you always, he knows all your secrets.

**Sara-** So he won't sue me for hitting him?

**Sasha-** You didn't, argh....no he won't.

**Sara-** _-sighs in relief-_ All is well now.

**Sasha-** Well we forgot about the little problemo of them two.

**Sara-** Sasha, they are hardly little, they are life size. And yes! We wanted to be friends not too friendly, if you catch my drift eh _–wiggles eyebrows-_

**Sasha-** 'Tis true. _–Blows on pipe and bubbles come out-_

**Sara-** BUBBLES!!!

_-Sara starts to pop bubbles-_

**Sara-** OMG AM I POKING GOD?!

**Sasha **- No....

**Sara -** GOD IM SO SORRY!! I WILL NEVER POKE YOU AGAIN!

**Sasha- **Sara you're not...

**Sara –** I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS OH GREAT ONE!

**Sasha-** Oh dear god!

**Sara-** God is that dear head over there!!!

**Sasha-** I didn't mean that.

**Sara-** Were you making a joke Sasha? I don't think God will find that funny.

**Sasha-** God is my friend, he will forgive me.

**Sara-** WHY HAVEN'T YOU INTRODUCED US?!

**Sasha-** Erm....he....he....er...well...

**Sara-** WELL??

**Sasha-** he wants to meet you next week....

_-Sara runs around dancing happily-_

**Bella-** How are you gonna let her meet 'god'?

**Sasha-** She will have forgotten about this conversation, in 3..2...1.

**Sara -** What were we talking about?

**Sasha **- Bella and Edward snogging.

**Sara-** Ewwww Bella. Do you want cooties?

**Sasha-** Sara how old are you?

**Sara**- I think...um.... _-Holds up 4 fingers-_ Sasha! I don't have enough fingers man! I ran out at 10 years old.

**Sasha-** I worry about you.

**Sara-** Awww such a good friend. Now get back on topic! Them two were snogging! Explain!

**Sasha-** Are you two together or is it one of those one night fling and then the next day you try to forget about what happened things or flowers, kisses, white dress and children thing.

**Edward-** We just got...

**Sasha-** Answer me honestly sonny boy –_strokes beard and blows on pipe in serious manner-_

**Sara-** _-squeals-_ More bubbles! It's like Christmas_. –bubble pops-_ Sorry god! _–bubble pops_-I don't mean to! _–bubble pops-_ Stop being so popable! _–bubble pops-_ I AM A MASS GOD KILLER YET I CANT STOP!

**Sasha-** God isn't here right now, don't worry.

**Sara-** THANK HEAVENS!

**Bella -** Erm....

**Sasha-** So are you two dating????

**Edward-**Welll...

**Sasha-** Do you like her?

**Edward- **yes...

**Sasha-** Bella do you like him??

**Bella**- -_blushes_- yes...

**Sasha-** Then why aren't you dating?

**Sara-**DATING SHE SAYS!

**Sasha-** I know what I just said.

**Sara-** I'm just checking dude.

**Sasha-** I'm not a dude!

**Sara-** Dudette.

**Sasha-** Anyway back to question.

**Sara-** Yes dating, are you dating?

**Bella-** We just started being friends.

**Sara-** You looked like you were getting acquainted very well.

**Sasha-** Extremely well _–wiggles eyebrows-_

**Bella-** Well you know...

**Sara-** No we don't.

**Sasha**- Not at all. Clueless.

**Sara-** Explain.

**Bella-** No! You can learn that in Biology!

**Sara-** Oh no she didn't!

**Sasha-** Why did you insult us like this?!

**Sara-** Yeah! We invite you into my home and then you tell us to talk to that beast of a teacher. That was low even for you.

**Sasha-** I think I need to sit down for a while and wait for the shock and pain to wear away.

**Sara-** Be strong mon ami. Think happy thoughts.

**Bella-** I'm sorry -hangs head-

**S****asha -** You're forgiven....if you tell us if you're dating.

**B****ella-** erm...

**E****dward**-We are.

_-B__ella, __S__ara and __S__asha look shocked-_

**B****ella -** We are?

**Edward- **If you want....

**B****ella -** Erm...yeah i suppose...-_blushes-_

**Sasha and**** S****ara -** AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**S****asha -** WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! OH YEAHHHH!

**Sara-** And we were going to get restraining orders? Pfft, as usual Sasha you doubted my awesome powers. Now what will you be paying us in?

**Bella-** Paying?

**Sara-** We charge hourly for my matchmaking services. This was an expensive operation, there was the party, drinks, food, cupboard...This is a long list, let me go get some paper and a pen.

**Bella**- I thought we were friends.

**Sasha-** Fine, you get the friends discount.

**Edward-** How much is that?

**Sasha-** -_smiles-_ Two percent! What a bargain. Lucky devils.

**Sara-** DEVILS! Go get them god! Where's my holy water?!

**Sasha**- Sara calm, they aren't really.

**Sara-** Oh, phew, false alarm.

**Sasha-** -_blows on pipe-_ So cash or cheque?

**Edward-** Neither.

**Sasha -** Then you are not allowed to date.

**Edward -** What?!

**Sasha -** You didn't pay, this relationship isn't valid.

**Sara-** YEAH NOT VALID.

**Sasha -** Your relationship belongs to us.

**Sara-** YEAH TO US.

**Sasha-** Stop repeating me!

**Sara-** YEAH STOP_...-coughs nervously-_

**Edward-** So we can't go out because we didn't pay you.

**Sara-** Dear gosh will you pay us the £2.64 now!!!

**Bella-** Is that it?

**Sara-** Duh! You're our advertisement, now tomorrow you need to go to the tattooist and get our dating service logo tattooed on your arm....

**Edward-** WHAT?!

**Sasha-** Hahahaha did you see his face!!! Priceless!

**Sara-** Yes I did see his face! We aren't that weird –_laughs then quickly becomes serious and twirls moustache_- But you will advertise us. Now fork, spoon, knife or fork and knife the money over to us!

**Edward-** Whatever _–hands money-_

**Sara**- -_glares_- I said 2,64 sterling fool! Do we look American?

**Edward-** You live here don't you?

**Sara**- I see we have a smart guy, eh? Think you're so big picking on us. Think it makes a strong man! Well I got news for you mate, it doesn't!

**Sasha-** Want me to rough him up a bit boss _–blows on pipe and big cloud of bubbles appear_- GRAB THE MONEY AND RUN!!!

_-Sara and Sasha vanish in a cloud of bubbles-_

**Sasha-** See you on Monday Bella! Love you really!

**Sara-** Yeah no hard feelings! Bye, bye m'dear!

**A.N- Hope you guys love our randomness :) We wrote it for you. I'm amazed at the amount of nothing we can talk about, we literally have a little plot but we like going with the flow, we always write what comes to mind and don't delete it or confirm it with the other person, strangely it works for us. Don't think that everything will work out well between the two of them now, we aren't finished just yet.**

**Now thanks for reading. Reviews are mandatory, joking –shifty eyes-**


	8. I love Exams : NOTE THE SARCASM!

**A.N-**

**Sasha- I want to be a photographer.**

**Aidan- You're gonna be mintin'. **

**Sara- I want it to be recorded that I like mint gum.**

**Sasha- Aidan is our guest star today in our author's note.**

**Sara- We know he's a twat but...**

**Sasha- Meh.**

_**-Aida laughs-**_

**Aidan- I don't even know how this works. I want to be a director.**

_**-Sara and Sara look at each other in a disbelieving way-**_

_**-Aidan and Sasha go off arguing-**_

**Sasha- You would be a very good director except for the fact that you're annoying.**

**Aidan- I'm not annoying. How am I?**

**Sasha- For one, your laugh.**

_**-Sara busily tries to write down argument-**_

**Sasha- Are you trying to write down our conversation because it won't work.**

**Sara- No **_**–Shifty eyes- -continues to write-**_

_**-Sasha laughs at Sara's silliness-**_

_**-Aidan laughs at own joke and continues to draw a penguin flying out of a canon-**_

_**-Aidan forgets to draw eyes and claims it as his worst drawing-**_

**Sasha- It's a high penguin.**

**Aidan- I will draw you as a villain.**

**Sara- So basically you're drawing a portrait of her.**

_**-Sara lifts head up to see Sasha's face concealed in shadow and glaring at her (NO JOKE! I shall have nightmares for years due to this image-**_

**-Sasha looks at Aidan's drawing-**

**Sasha- I have a square head? Your hair flicks back! Do you have grease or something in it **_**–flicks hair with pen laughing to herself-**_

_**-Sara amazingly has been documenting all of this-**_

_**-Round of applause can be heard (Sasha- This is a lie)- **_

**Sasha- Do I have a square body or something? Are you trying to tell me something?! Squares aren't evil. That's prejudice! I don't smoke!! Where are my legs?!?! Draw them! Those are stumps!!!**

_**-Aidan chuckles oddly-**_

_**-Aidan cries after Sasha says he can't draw-**_

**Sasha- Are you saying I wear dresses with squiggles on them? Are you saying I wear dresses?! I don't!!!**

_**-Aidan begins writing words B-I-T-C-**_

**Sasha- Be careful what you say! Be careful!**

_**-Aidan looks fearfully at Sasha and Sara laughs while writing-**_

_**-Aidan writes again B-I-T-O-P-**_

_**-Aidan draws Sasha again-**_

**Sara- Spider-Sasha!!!**

_**-Sasha glares-**_

**Sara- I mean...ahem...who said that?! **_**–Looks around the class-**_

**Sasha- I am not amused. (_Sara- Yes she is, look at her smiling...oh my god, THAT'S NOT A SMILE! HELP!_)**

_**-Sasha takes pen away from Aidan-**_

**Sasha- You have lost pen privileges. If you value your life you won't try to steal the book again!**

**Aidan- I've just been raped.**

**Sasha- Sit on the floor.**

_**-Sara and Jess laugh. Katherine sleeps through all the excitement,**_

_**-ENGLISH IS FINISHED!!! HUZZAH!-**_

_**-Sara shakes hand trying to regain the feeling in it-**_

**ONLINE CONVERSATION A.N ONCE AGAIN!!!**

**~*~§A****ЯA~*~ says:**

i typed up the authors note

lool

quite amusing

i must say i did well

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

wahay

loooooooooool

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

sooooo do you feel the randomness within young luke??

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

whose luke

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

u know the one from star wars, yoda's all like the force is strong within you young luke skywalker s

so you know..... :/

basically do you want to write more chapters now or not?

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

your astrange one sara

seriusly tho

whose luke

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

from STAR WARS!!! he's like the blooming main character

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

how the fuck would i know anything about star wars LOL

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

i dont know

i've never watched it but my dad has

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

WHY would ihave ever watchedstar wars?

also

WHAT is star wars?

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

it was on during the weekend and i was bugging him with questions and HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU NOT WATCHED STAR WARS!!!

IT'S LIKE A CLASSIC! Like the only classic I know about but still...classic man!

gosh i sound like a geek and i havent even watched it

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LMAOO.

WHY WOULD I EVER WATCH HAT

THAT*

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

i dont know. i havent but i've still heard of it and know some famous bits like LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

see

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

-_- thats from something like futurama or something

EVEN I NO THAT BIT

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

IT'S STAR WARS YOU DUMB .... TRUCK!

-takes deep breath -

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

TRUCK?

ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

Nooooooo! I was trying to refrain from calling you an idiot

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

WHAT A LIE

YOU JUST CALLED ME FAT

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

no mon ami, i would never say such a thing nor would i think it

you are not

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

are you trying to say i have a wide load

cos thats just rude.

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

wtf, you know i would never do that to you :/

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

THATS A LIE

A LIE I TELL YOU

OF COURSE YOU WOULD

YOUR

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

I AM PURE GOOD

-halo appears around head-

-choirs heard in the background-

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

THATS A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE

YOUR

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

-angelic light shines-

-eyes glow red-

i mean....

-eyes looks kind-

**shashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:**

LMAO

your such a liar

its worrying

**Chapter 8- I love Exams :) NOTE THE SARCASM!**

**Bella-** THIOSULPHATE!!! What the hell!!! For god's sake...

**Sara-** God!!! _–looks around-_

_-Sasha elbows Sara to hush up-_

**Bella-** Back to reality. Chemistry!!!

_-Sara and Sasha quickly place thinking moustache and beard-_

**Sara-** Simple. You and Edward equals muchos good chemistry.

**Sasha-** _-Sasha puts on sombrero-_ Muchos muchos.

_-Edward walks up to Bella-_

**Bella-** _-hugs Edward-_ Where did you get the odd props?

**Edward-** Props?

**Bella-** Sara and Sasha.

**Sasha-** What props? I see none.

**Sara-** Is there a drama production going on? I love me a good show!

**Bella-** The ones you're... _–looks at them to see they aren't wearing any- _But they were there....

**Sasha **- Are you sure the stress of exams aren't making you see things?

**Bella -** but I....

**Sara **- It's okay Bella _- pats shoulder-_

_-Mr. S walks over-_

**Mr. S -** BELLA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

**Bella -**I'm timing how long it takes for the cross to disappear....

**Mr S -** Did you add the Thiosulphate yet?

_-Sasha puts on beard-_

**Sasha -** Of course she did sir she's not an idiot

**Mr S -** TAKE THAT BEARD OFF!

**Sara-** _-puts on moustache_- It looks rather distinguishing.

**Mr S-** Detentions for the both of you!!! Facial hair is against school rules!

_-Mr D walks in-_

**Mr D-** Do you have a problem here?

**Mr S-** Those girls refuse to follow school rules. Facial hair is not allowed.

**Mr D-** Girls? Facial hair?

**Mr S-** Yes, look at them with that beard and moustache.

_-Looks at Sara and Sasha to see that their faces are hairless-_

**Mr S-** They were there a second ago.

_-Sara sniffles-_

**Sara-** My mother says I'm beautiful _–runs out of class but runs back in- _This abuse has traumatised me! I CAN'T HANDLE DOING AN EXAM NOW!!!

**Sasha-** Me too!!! _–runs out-_

**Mr S -** I....what just happened

**Bella -** They got out of the exam.

**Edward -** They are so clever it's ridiculous

**Mr S -** GET ON WITH THE EXPERIEMENT.

_-Bella and Edward busy themselves with chemistry-_

**Bella -** eErm....do you know what we are supposed to be doing....

**Edward -** PFFT OF COURSE!

**Bella -** You don't have a clue.

**Edward **- mmm.

-Sasha and Sara appear at window with beard and moustache-

**Bella -** OMG.

**Edward-** How do they do it? It's so crazy it's not even funny.

**Sasha-** Pour the liquid into the other liquid thingy.

**Bella-** What?

**Sara-** SHE SAID PUT THE LIQUID INTO...

**Edward-** We got it!!! It just doesn't make sense.

**Sara-** _twirls moustache_- Or does it?

**Edward-** It doesn't.

**Sara-** I believe it does young Luke. Use the force!!!

**Sasha-** -_tips sombrero-_ Si, the force. –_whispers-_ Force?

**Sara-** Yes the force! You must...

_-Edward pulls blind down-_

**Sara-** I am your father Luke!!!

**Sasha-** NOOOOOOOO!

**Sara-** Yes I lied Sasha, I am sorry!

**Edward**- We can still hear you!!!

**Sasha -** So you want to pass?

**Edward - **Yes...

**Sasha -** THEN LISTEN...

**Sara -** TO THE FORCE....

**Sasha -** aka US

**Edward **- _-Sigh-_ fine

**Bella **- Okay what do we do now???

**Sasha -** Time how long it takes for the cross to disappear

**Bella -** What cross?

**Sara -** The one under the beaker.

**Edward -** BEAKER??

**Sasha -** THE CUP WITHTHE LIQUID IN IT

**Edward and Bella -** OOOOOOOOO

**Sara-** Help me dear god.

**Bella -** Okay the cross has disappear.

**Sasha -** Record the time and you're done.

**Sara-** Now back to God!

**Sasha-** Enough about God! You're not even religious.

**Sara-** But I love God. The word!!!...and Jesus.

**Sasha-** It is a beautiful name.

**Sara-** And why would you name that cup a beaker? It has no beak.

**Sasha-** 'Tis a conundrum.

**Sara-** One of the many that keep me up at night, pondering the answer to this mystery.

**Sasha-** I give up.

**Sara-** _-shakes head sadly-_ She barely even tried.

**Edward-** Okay they helped us now we can ignore them.

**Sara-** After all we have done. They grow up so quickly _–wipes tear away_- Go my son!

**Edward - **Son?

**Sara -** What?

**Edward -** Huh?

**Sara -** _- shakes arms dramatically, lifts them above head-_ WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!

**Bella -** thanks guys....erm...we should get back to the lesson though....

**Sasha -** See you in a minute then.

**Bella -** huh?

**Sara-** You'll see - _wiggles eyebrows-_

**Bella **-erm....

**Edward-** whatever -_wraps arms around Bella and walks off-_

**Sasha -** AWW WE CREATED THAT LOVE!

**Sara-** IT MUST BE LOVE...LOVE LOVE!

**Sara-** Goodbye my son!!!

**Sasha-** We shall miss you!

**Sara-** Ungrateful little...moose! After we made that love, he has the nerve to look at us as if we are crazy. The nerve of it all.

**Sasha-** That reminds me. We have biology.

**Sara-** Ah yes! To the room of horror and Ms C!

**Sasha-** Funny words and incomprehensible gibberish here we come!

**Sara-** Oooh are we playing Marco Polo? That's what it's called right. Oh great now I'm craving polos. They do sell polos here right? Right?!!??!

**Sasha-** OMG! Do they?

**Sara-** I don't know! I'm asking you!

**Sasha-** OMG...I DON'T KNOW! TO THE CANTEEN!

**Sara-** TRAVEL ONWARDS!

_-walks to canteen-_

**Sasha -** why are we here again...?

**Sara-** POLOS!

**Sasha-** DO THEY SELL THEM HERE?

**Sara-** I don't...

_-Sasha pins Sara to wall-_

**Sasha -** DO THEY SELL THEM?

**Sara-** I DON'T KNOW!

**Sasha-**LET US LOOK!

**Sara -** okay...

**Sasha-**wait...SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THE NORMAL ONE?

**Sara-** WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!

**Sasha -** STOP BEING NORMAL!

**Sara**- it's too late for me....

**Sasha-**But I need you _-cries-_

**Sara-** IM SORRY!

_-Sasha and Sara Hug-_

**Sasha-**are you wearing a...

**Sara-** OUI!

**Sasha -** I KNEW YOU WEREN'T NORMAL!

**Sara-** What? Of course I wear a bra! What on earth is going on?!?! What are we doing here?

**Sasha-** I don't know.

**Random cafeteria lady with moustache-** You wanted Polos.

**Sara-** I see, you are trying to out-moustache me old man, well feel the furry, I mean fury of my thick and hearty sinister moustache _–twirls it in intimidating manner-_

**Sasha-** She beat you! Now to the circus!!! We shall make millions out of your moustache!!

**Sara-** What about the polos?

**Sasha**- On the way! We shall order them online but the circus cannot wait!

**Sara-** You are right! We have a duty to this country to show off our amazing moustache and beard! Away we go!

**Sasha-** Awwwayyyy! Wooosh!

**A.N- You know the drill! The more reviews the faster we update :)**


	9. Random moments with Sasha and Sara

A.N- Merci for waiting for this update, if you are still following this story, congrats. If you understand what we are talking about, YOU ARE ONE OF US!

-laughs maniacly-

This chapter has NO Bella and Edward in it, we just thought that we won't have them in this chapter, We know this is a Twilight fanfic but it is also a fanfiction so that means we have other characters we added such as ourselves so...we think that means we don't have to have them in EVERY chapter.

- shashaaaaa. says:

**hellO**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

evening monsieur

- shashaaaaa. says:

**how are YOU**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

bien

et tu?

- shashaaaaa. says:

**vair gooot taaa **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

arent u ill

- shashaaaaa. says:

**not now no **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

your feeling good ill

- shashaaaaa. says:

**but i was earelier**

**why **

**earlier***

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

isnt that convinient

well u ditched me

- shashaaaaa. says:

**wtf **

**are you okay **

**LOL**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

james took my seat in blodge

- shashaaaaa. says:

**im sorrry **

**but im in tomorrow**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

i was stuck with brettt!!!!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**why**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

and glenn

- shashaaaaa. says:

**LMAOOOOOO**

**i mean**

**awwwh no**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

cause i had an orthadontist and i was therefore late

- shashaaaaa. says:

**why did he take your seat **

**aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

it's too late

- shashaaaaa. says:

**well then thats your fault**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

today isnt tomorrow

- shashaaaaa. says:

**meh.**

**i will be there tomorrow**

**the amount of times you have ditched me**

**you aren't allowed to get annoyed**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

very well since i am ditching u thursday

- shashaaaaa. says:

**WHY.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

Art trip

jess is going too

not nun jess

ure jess

- shashaaaaa. says:

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

- shashaaaaa. says:

**EVIL.**

**EEEEVIL.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

happiness once again

- shashaaaaa. says:

**and you had the cheek to have a go at me .**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

and my revenge is complete

-breathes easily-

well u missed monday and tuesday

so meh

i am at my rights on this

- shashaaaaa. says:

**i will kill you.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

PROOF!!!!

I shall record this death threat!

BTW it seems like this would be perfect for an Authors note on out legendary script don't you think mon ami

- shashaaaaa. says:

**of what **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

the whole convo

rather amusing

ure whole little rant about the woes of the earth

- shashaaaaa. says:

**LOOOOOOOL**

**yesi think you are right there **

**ADD IT NOW DAMN IT**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

when am i wrong?

do not answer

add it where

are yoiu mad

truly the cold has gone to your head

- shashaaaaa. says:

**you are always wrong**

**whatare you talking about **

**you are a strange one**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

so your face

damn u sasha

i start saying that to everyone

ure face ure mother

the whole kazoot

why?!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**LOOOOL**

**hahahahahahha**

**anyways gay face i must depart**

**BYE BYE XXXXXXXXXXX**

- shashaaaaa. says:

**HELLLLO/**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

heloooo mon ami

- shashaaaaa. says:

**HOW ARE YOU**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

angry, i've gotten some really abusive reivews for one of my fanfic stories, they are so bloody rude but meh i dont really care much now

- shashaaaaa. says:

**what did they say?**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

i am getting abusive emails

i think 3 from the same person

some sad person

- shashaaaaa. says:

**kill them **

**i would **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

1st :well, i had a bad head ache...and i was looking around for something to

read..when i suddenly came across the wonderful summary of this story...so i

read it!

AND NOW THAKS TO YOU B_ITCH, I HAVE AN EVEN WORSE HEAD ACHE!

gah, how do you write something THIS bad? is it even possible? well till now i

didnt know it

oh well, i am gonna take your advice, and click the cross button!

well its

good you can think a single good thing at least! and it so damn obvious you

are a snob by your so uptight authors note! no wonder you are a british! go

write something for toddlers crack pot!

2nd :

gee, this is by far the most absurd, stupid and down right idiotic stori haveever read in my life!dude you need english lessons! how do the fanfic people een let losers likeya publish such crap out here!you need brains, that F_U_Cking sucked!go consult a shrik and then jump off a cliff! dumbo!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**wtf**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

and the most disturbing:

OMFG! THIS STORY SUCKS! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKSIS THTA ENOUGH? DID U START YOUR ENGLISH LESSONS YET? OMG STILL WAITING, GORUN TAKE THEM!! U NEED TO LEARN english dude!seriously!i bet you are a F_UCK NUT AND A S_LUT!I HAVE NO DOWBTS! AND DONT LIE TO ME! NEVER LIE! LIES ARE BAD BADDOH I AM ONE OF YOUR VERY VERY VERY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS...PROBABLY U LIKE ME THEMOST! BUT I HATE YA! ABSOLITELY!!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**your amazing at writing :l**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

TOTALLY! FOREVER!U R FAKE, STUPID, DUMB, OH AND MOST OF ALL, w_HORE!YEA THATS WHAT YA ARE!11U NEEFD TO CHOOSE UR FRIENDS, WISELY! TELL ABT THSE MESSAGES TO ANYONE AND IWILL FOR SURE MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL! REMEMBER ME AN REMEMBER RTHAT!LOVE YA B_ITCH

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

isnt it so shockingly abusive and written with such bad grammar!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**'TELL ABT THSE MESSAGES TO ANYONE AND IWILL FOR SURE MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL!' yes because publishing it asa review is keeping it secret **

**what a twat**

**i say you kill them**

**i will help you **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

lmao

yes

i think we should kill them in our script

mehehehehehe

- shashaaaaa. says:

**OOOOOOO yes i thinkthat is an epic idea**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

i knooo

it helps get rid of my anger and fustration

like therapy

nice dp btw

- shashaaaaa. says:

**i say from now on, anything that pisses us off gets destroyed in the script **

**aha thaaaank you**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

omg! that is soooo true and cleaver

you genius

-bows down to you-

- shashaaaaa. says:

**bwhahahahahahah thank you**

**you should bow down, one day i will be president of earth **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

ahh with your potato people

and my ostrich

- shashaaaaa. says:

**oui oui **

**ah that was epic **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

aidan does have his moments

very rarely

so should we write a chapter based on this bastard!

- shashaaaaa. says:

**YES.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

well not based on them but will have them in it

- shashaaaaa. says:

**definately **

**oui**

**we get to kill him.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

YAY!

x-mas again!

**Chapter 10- Random Sara and Sasha moments**

**Sara-** Well I have been getting some rather abusive emails from some sad jerk who has no life, do you know them?

**Sasha-** Wait, WHAT?! Are you assuming since they're strange I would know them?!

**Sara-** No I didn't say that!

_-Sasha quotes Sara-_

**Sara-** Well maybe I did.

**Sasha-** I find that offensive.

**Sara-** Yes, yes your poor fragile heart. Now tell me, do you know them?

**Sasha-** _-sighs-_ Yes.

**Sara**- Really?!

**Sasha-** yeah....

**Sara -** Who is it?!?!

**Sasha **- It's....

**Sara-** WHO?

**Sasha-** I can't tell you. It's a secret

_-Sara begins to twitch randomly-_

**Sasha - **Erm I'm sorry BUT I CANNOT BREAK THE CODE OF THE STRANGE.

**Sara-** Code of the strange? But I'm practically one of you!

**Sasha-** _-does quotations in the air-_ "Practically". But still not ONE OF US.

**Sara-** Hehehe, ONE OF US, sounds rather zombie-ish. You aren't one are you? A zombie?

_-Sasha breaks out into a cold sweat-_

**Sasha-** Noooooo...

**Sara-** Oh my gosh! You are looking rather pale recently and seem to have a fondness for howling at the full moon.

**Sasha-** Zombies don't do that.

**Sara-** But how would you know?! UNLESS...YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!

**Sara -** I know what you are...

**Sasha **- Say it.

_-Sara looks shifty-_

**Sasha **- SAY IT.

**Sara-** Yours a dinosaur.

**Sasha -** ...

**Sara -** I KNEW IT.

**Sasha -** Erm. Dinosaur?

**Sara-** Yes, your skin is scaly, you run outside to chase old women down the street and you roar at the strangest things, that only means one thing....DINOSAUR!

**Sasha-** -_Pats shoulder reassuringly- _You are an odd one.

**Sara-** GET YOUR REPTILIAN HANDS OFF OF ME!

**Sasha -** I'M NOT A DINOSAUR. THEY ARE EXTINCT!

**Sara –** That's just what you WANT me to think. _-Glares at Sasha, and starts to nod head in understanding-_

**Sasha -** How can I prove I'm NOT a dinosaur?

**Sara -** Tell me who this person is.

**Sasha -** What person?

**Sara -** The email person

**Sasha -** I don't know what you're talking about

**Sara** - Did I not tell you?

**Sasha **- No...

**Sara-** Oh I am so sorry! I was shouting at you for no reason.

_-Sasha sighs in relief at Sara's forgetfulness-_

**Sara-** HAH! You do know!

_-Sasha falls off seat at the sudden outburst-_

**Sasha-** Know what?

**Sara-** The person!

**Sasha-** What person?

**Sara-** The person you know but are pretending not to know that you know so that I won't know that you know the person who you know who also knows me and knows you but I don't know because you won't tell me you know him who know you and me but I don't know because you still won't tell me you know!

**Sasha-** Heh?

**Sara-** You know!

**Sasha-** Know what?

**Sara-** Don't make me repeat that it was too long!

**Sasha-** Okay I know!

**Sara-** Seee! I knew you knew!

_-Sasha glares and steeples fingers together-_

_-Sara copies her because she thinks it looks cool-_

**Sasha -** I'm not telling you. I WILL TAKE IT TO THE GRAVE. THE GRAVE I TELL YOU.

**Sara -** That can be arranged...

_-Sasha looks slightly worried-_

**Sara-** Oh you look worried. If you don't tell me within FIVE seconds I will arrange you to take it to the grave.

5

4

3

2...

_-sasha stays silent-_

ONE...THATS IT.

TO THE GRAVE!

_-sasha looks scared-_

**Sara-** Don't worry, it's cherry wood and the inside is cushioned with velvet. You'll be comfy there...or not.

**Sasha-** You have one already!

**Sara**- I am always prepared for these kind of situations. Muahahaha –_thunder booms in the background- -looks serious- _It happens often. NOW TELL ME OR FACE YOUR GRAVE_! –looks at Sasha-_

**Sasha-** WAIT! **–Goes into a trance-** Why don't you save it for the cruel and heartless emailer who has no life and who I know to be...

_-Sara looks at a bird that flew by and loses eye contact with Sasha-_

_-Sasha breaks out of trance-_

**Sasha-** Did you just control my mind?

**Sara-** No! –_looks shiftly around-_

**Sasha-** You did! You never used to do that!

**Sara-** Well secretly I'm Edward Cullen, brain reader vampire extraordinaire!

**Sasha-** Really?!

**Sara-** Yes.

**Sasha-** Wooooooow _–jumps on Sara's back- _To China!

**Sara-** What on Earth are you doing?!

**Sasha-** Since you are Edward you have super speed!

**Sara**- I'm not Edward!

**Sasha-** But you just said you were!

**Sara**- I lied!

_-Sasha gasps-_

**Sasha-** More lies in our relationship.

**Sara-** It is true, our friendship is built upon a foundation of lies, deceit and betrayal.

**Sasha-** Really?!

**Sara**- NO!

**Sara –** I'M SORRY!!!

**Sasha -** You should be. INTO THE COFFIN. NOW.

**Sara -** WHAT?! WHY?!

**Sasha -** because you LIED.

**Sara -** YOU LIED FIRST.

**Sasha -** okay how about we both stay OUT of the coffin.

**Sara -** Okay _-smiles-_

**Sasha-** okay I will tell you the name of the emailer.

**Sara **- WHO IS IT THEN?!

**Sasha -** It's...

**Sara-** WHO?!

**Sasha -** GIVE ME A CHANCE WOMAN.

**Sara **- Sorry

**Sasha -** Okay it's...

_-Clown car drives past-_

**Sasha -** HEY MUM!

**Sara -** WHO IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sasha **- _-talks in robotic voice-_ sorry had to say hi to my mom, she is IMPORTANT AND WILL ONE DAY PAY FOR MY COLLEGE THEREFORE I MUST BE KIND TO HER.

**Sara -** what was that?

**Sasha -** your face.

**Sara -** your life.

**Sasha -** your mum.

**Sara -** WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON INSULTING MY MOTHER!

**Sasha-** Yes –goes into trance again- because I have no life also like the emailer and I am also evil and heartless and enjoy picking on poor innocent people for no reason other than to fulfil my sadistic pleasures.

_-Sara chuckles to herself-_

**Sasha-**_ -roars-_ Stop controlling my mind!

**Sara-** Wasn't me!

**Sasha-** Well who else has super mind-controlling powers?

**Sara**- I cannot tell you. It is against the rules of The People With Cool Powers.

**Sasha-** So now you're also in a secret cult.

**Sara-** Yup.

**Sasha**- So who's in it.

**Sara**- I cannot say but Edward is defiantly not in it.

**Sasha-** So he is in the group of "The People With Cool Powers".

**Sara**- No, I just said he's not.

**Sasha-** But you said it in a way that implied he was.

**Sara-** I did no such thing.

**Sasha-** Yes I clearly heard...

**Sara-** You heard nothing!

**Sasha-** I did hear...

_-Sara bangs a bag of air in Sasha's ear-_

**Sara-** Now you hear nothing! _–laughs maniacly-_

**Sasha**- Stop laughing in my ears! You're so loud.

**Sara-** You can hear me?!

**Sasha **-You have issues.

**Sara **- Yeah I know.

**A.N- **

- shashaaaaa. says:

**lets end it there i cba to write anymore LOL**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

I totally agree

we didn't kill the person, well not kill but take my frustration upon, well writing has cured it slightly.

lol

another time

- shashaaaaa. says:

**ah we will kill them in the NEXT chapter bwhahaha **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

lol we shall

- shashaaaaa. says:

**bow chica WAAA WAAA**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

lmao

obviously u are hyper

- shashaaaaa. says:

**well OUI.**

**if you were GAY that'd be OKAY cos i mean HEY i'd like you ANYWAY.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

lol, i know the lyrics thanks to you

- shashaaaaa. says:

**I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY**

**BECAUSE YOU SE**

**IF IT WERE ME**

**I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY**

**THAT I WAS GAY**

**BUT IM NOT GAY.**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

well clearly you are if you keep singing that song

reassurance for yourseld

- shashaaaaa. says:

**BESIDE YOU EVERYDAY TO TELL YOU ITS OKAY YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY AND AS THEY SAY ITSIN YOUR DNA YOUR **

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

so's your face

- shashaaaaa. says:

**sos your mom**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

so your american grammar

- shashaaaaa. says:

**sos your life**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

sos your bag

- shashaaaaa. says:

**sos your spleen**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

sos your pancreas

- shashaaaaa. says:

**sos your lungs**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

sos your non-exsistant heart

- shashaaaaa. says:

**sos your non-existant brain**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

let us finish this immatture conversation (so's your arteries)

- shashaaaaa. says:

**okaaay sounds good to me (sos your tounge)**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

cool

glad you agree (so are your muscles)

- shashaaaaa. says:

**yep yep i agree (sos your bones)**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

so do i (sos your nervous system)

- shashaaaaa. says:

**thats good then (sos your ovaries)**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

yes it is (so is your pituatury gland)

shashaaaaa. says:

**definately (sos your kidneys)**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

absolutamente (sos your small AND large intestine)

- shashaaaaa. says:

**oui oui (Sos your cartiledge AND your ear lobes)**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

si (sos your appendix and joints)

- shashaaaaa. says:

**mmhmm (sos your spine)**

**OKAY I AM ENDING THE MADNESS**

~*~§AЯA~*~ says:

Agreed (sos your thick skull, SORRRYYY I had to have the last word)


	10. Evil

**A.N- ENJOY AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

_(This was an actual R.E lesson but we changed and added things along, poetic licence)_

**Mr B-** Today we are learning about _"The problems of evil and suffering"._

**Sara-** So basically Sasha.

**Mr B-** Precisely

**Sasha-** -_gasps_- I take offense from that!

**Sara-** Yes I am sure you do, after all the truth does hurt.

**Sasha**- My gosh! I am truly and utterly insulted.

**Sara-** Aha _–feigns interest and begins writing-_ "Sasha_- the problem of evil and suffering_"

**Sasha:** I AM NOT EVIL _-gives sara death glare-_

**Sara:** You're really scary, do you know that?

**Sasha:** -_smiles sweetly_- Aw thank you.

**Mr B**: Girls in the nicest possible way...shut up.

_-Sasha and Sara gasp-_

**Sasha:** HOW DARE YOU FIEND!

_-gives Mr B death glare-_

**Mr B:** YOU DO NOT SCARE ME!

**Sasha:** Wanna bet mate.

**Sara -**_shakes head-_ Big mistake Mr B. BIG mistake.

**Mr B:** Your childish antics to not scare me.

_-Sasha stares at Mr B with an empty stare. It CHILLS him to the very core-_

**Mr B-** Sorry Master.

**Sara-** That's what I said!

**Sasha**- Shutup.

**Sara-** Sorry Master.

**Mr B-** Now here are some cards put them in order of the most to the least evil.

**Sara-** Where is Sasha's picture?

**Mr B-** I knew I was forgetting something_. –goes to his laptop and starts clicking buttons-_ Everyone look at this really cool effect, I spent most of my life trying to get it just right.

_-Sara and Sasha roll eyes-_

**Sara-** And you call me sad.

**Sasha-** Yes I do.

**Sara**- Be silent evil incarnate!

**Sasha-** What is wrong with you?!

**Sara-** You! Mehehehehehe!

_-Sasha glares-_

**Sara-** Don't glare at me slave!

**Sasha**- What on Earth is going on?! You should be cowering in fear!

**Sara-** Yesh, but you have it turned on annoyed not death glare.

**Sasha-** Ahhh, thanks mate.

**Sara-** No problem.

_-Sasha glares again-_

**Sara- **_**–**__screams and hides under desk_- Yeah, that's it!

**Sasha-** Do not fear, you amuse me far to much for me to eliminate you

**Sara :** Aw thanks dude

**Sasha :** you are welcome slave

_-Mr B walks over with picture of Sasha-_

**Mr B:** there you go

**Sara :** well damn.

**Mr B:** What?

**Sara:** You've done it now.

**Mr B:** huh? What are you talking about?

**Sara :** Oh you will know soon enough.

**Mr B:** whatever.

**Sara:** Have you realised Sasha has been gone for the last few minutes sir.

_-Mr B looks around-_

**Mr B:** Where the hell...

_-Sasha walks through door with smirk in place-_

**Mr B:** How did you do that?

**Sasha:** -_looks out window_- is that your car rolling down the hill?

**Mr B:** NOT MY BABY! _-runs outside-_

**Sasha:** Why did he chose THAT picture of me, I look ridiculous

**Sara:** well, erm, I'm sure he won't make the same mistake twice...

**Sasha:** Damn straight he won't.

**Sara-** _-gulps-_ I'm glad I am not on your bad side.

**Sasha-** Yeah, sure you're not...

**Sara-** I like the picture, although it would help if your eyes were not glowing with the fire passions of hell.

**Sasha-** Yeah, it's a bother.

**Sara-** I'm sure it is. I'm going to go now.

**Sasha-** Don't leave me!!!

**Sara-** Ummm sure. _–Sara runs and opens the door-_

_-Sasha waves standing at the open door-_

**Sara-** How? What? Oh I can't be asked for this. –_Sara waddles back to desk and sits back down-_

**Sasha-** Good. But as for punishment I will steal your sheet of work.

**Sara-** Give it back!

**Sasha-** NEVER! _–laughs maniacly-_

**Sara** - FINE SEE IF I CARE.

**Sasha** - oh you will. you will.

**Sara** - why are you so mysterious today?

**Sasha** - it's a new thing i am trying out. what do you think?

**Sara** - muchos scaryos.

**Sasha** - merci

_-silence as sasha scoffs at Mr B running back to class-_

**Mr B -** I don't understand how my car did that...i didn't even know there WAS a hill around here...

**Sasha** - there wasn't.

_-Sara and Mr. B exchange terrified glances-_

**Mr B -** What do you mean?

**Sasha** - I MEAN there wasn't a hill until about ten minute ago.

**Sara** - WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT, WE ARE THE CHILDREEEEEEEEN

**Sasha** - I LOVE THAT SONG.

**Edward** - WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP.

**Sara** - Where did he come from?

**Edward** - I have been in this class all year.

**Sasha** - have you?

-_Edward sighs-_

**Edward** - YES.

**Sara** - no need to be SNIPPY WITH ME MATE.

-------+-------

**A.N- **

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**ONE SECOND! I NEED TO FLUFF THE SOFA!**

***BREAK***

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**LMAO. WTF.**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**I JUSGT **

**AHHH I JUST SAID FLUD**

**Y THE HELL DO I KEEP PRESSING ENTER BEFORE I FINISH TYPING!**

**FLUFF THE SOFA **

**done **

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**:l**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**now i want popcorn**

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**you worry me my friend.**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**brb**

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**honestly**

**i don't know what worries me more, your randomness or the fact that i just laughed at a physics joke**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**both i guess **

**i got bored of waitng for my popcorn so i walked away from it and i think its burnt**

**ah well**

**but the steam is making me cry**

**i think its acidic **

**it tastes good though**

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**:l**

**you scare me**

**alot**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**lmao its so hot that one randomly popped in the bag and flew on the laptopn**

**yummy**

**IT'S NOT BURNT !**

**HUZZAH!**

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**LMAO.**

**WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**many things **

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE THE STRANGEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET**

**okay**

**im don**

**done***

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**are you sure?**

**vent it out**

**-solemn expression-**

**sharshaaaa. says:**

**no i am done**

**i will vent to you in person tomorrow**

**~*~§AЯA~*~ says:**

**ahh very well**

**back to the script**

**-carries on typing-**

-------+-------

**Edward-** I'm not your mate.

**Sara-** _-eyes water_- really?!

**Edward**_**-**__ -feels resolve crumbling-_ I am sorry, we are best friends!

**Sara**- Yay!!!! I feel so loved! _–Hugs Edward-_

**Edward-** -_Pats back awkwardly-_ Okay, let's continue doing R.E.

**Sara-** Yup, I have a feeling it will be very interesting. Very interesting indeed. _–laughs evilly-_

**Edward**- Why am I not surprised?

**Sara-** You're used to it.

**Sasha**- What do you mean it's going to be interesting?

**Sara-** You'll see! You'll all see!

**Sasha-** I was supposed to be the mysterious one.

**Sara-** Like I said before, I will usurp the usurper.

**Sasha-** When did you ever say that?!

**Sara-** I swear I did! Maybe it was dream, like the one we live in England going to a language college and we are going to watch Alice in Wonderland tomorrow. Odd.

**Sasha**- You're a weird woman!

**Sara**- You're just jealous I hugged Edward!

**Sasha-** No...well maybe a bit.

**Edward-** I'm still here you know.

**Sasha-** And your point is...

**Sara**- Shhhh, the powerpoint is going to start!

**Powerpoint:** Throughout the ages Evil has been portrayed in many ways _–shows images with stuck on images of Sasha's face-_

_-Sasha twitches-_

**Mr B** - Is there a problem Sasha?

**Sasha -** Well now you come to mention it....WHY DID YOU USE THAT PICTURE?!

**Sara **- _-shakes head- _Yet another bad move.

**Mr B -** I-I'm sorry...?

**Sasha **- You will be.

**Edward -** Sasha you're scary

**Sasha -** Taa

**Edward -** You're welcome?

**Sasha -** Bless you.

**Edward -** Huh?

**Sara -** SHE SAID BLESS YOU.

**Sasha -** Thank you slave.

**Sara -** No worries my bro....erm my master.

**Sasha **- I AM ALL POWERFUL BWHAHAHAHAHA.

_-bell rings-_

**Edward -** Did we seriously just have a lesson on how Sasha is evil?

**Sara -** Yes

**Edward -** This place is WEIRD.

**Sara-** Yes, she is passing into the shadow realm, soon she will become a wraith like one of them.

**Edward-** Are you quoting Lord of the Rings to me?

**Sara-** -_shifty eyes-_ No, it was original –cough- not –cough-

**Edward-** I repeat weird.

**Sara**- Don't act surprised, I just hope she doesn't find out it was me who made the presentation.

**Edward-** You framed Mr B!

**Sara-** Why of course.

**Edward-** Absolutely evil.

**Sara-** No that's Sasha, I'm just deviously manipulative.

**Sasha-** I heard my name! Who dare speaks my name?!

**Sara-** It was Edward, Master!!!

**Sasha** - Edward you will feel my WRATH.

**Edward **- That's what she said.

**Sasha -** Who?

**Edward **- My mom when she grounded me.

**Sasha **- Oh. Why bring that up.

**Edward -** Don't know to be honest.

**Sasha **- ANYWAY.

**Sara -** Master i say you let him off with a warning...

**Sasha -** SLAVE YOU DO NOT BOSS ME AROUND. YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH AS WELL.

_-sasha dissapears_-

**Edward -** How does she do that?

**Sara - I** never really worked it out...

_-Sara spots Sasha outside-_

**Sara -** What is she doing with our cars...?

**Edward** - WHY IS MY CAR BRIGHT PINK.

**Sara** - OMG. WHY. WHHHHHHHHHY.

**Edward** - What?

**Sara** - LOOK AT MY CAR

_-Edward notices a car that is pink and purple, with glitter and stickers of unicorns and rainbows-_

**Edward -** well damn.

**Sara -** .

**Edward -** So you're not girly?

**Sara** - WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY. WHHHHY!

**Sasha** - Never cross me again.

Edward - HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!

**Sara**-I don't know and I don't care! Change my car back NOW!

**Sasha**- What did you just say slave?!

**Sara**- My car IS PINK!

**Sasha**- Your point...

**Sara**- Change it back!

**Sasha**- DON'T BOSS ME AROUND!

**Sara**- THE PINK HAS GONE TO MY HEAD AND HAS RUINED MY VERBAL FILTER! I CAN'T STOP TALKING! I'M GOING MAD! CHANGE IT BACK! OR...I WILL KILL YOUR PHONE JACKET!

**Sasha**- You don't have...

_-Sara pulls out hand and shows Sasha's phone jacket-_

**Sara**- Don't test me woman! Change it! _–poises scissors over jacket-_

**Edward**- I can't find it in me to care anymore how you guys do any of these things.

**Sasha**- We have our ways! Now control yourself!

**Sara**- Never! Now fear MY wrath!

**Sasha**- Okay, okay _–cars changes back to normal-_

**Sara**- -_smiles_- Hey guys, why are you looking at me like that, we have English now!

**Edward and Sasha-** Ummmmm.

**Sara**- Whatever _–skips away smiling-_

**Edward**- What just happened?

**Sasha** - You saw the true Sara.

**Edward** - Huh?

**Sasha** - I'm not the evil one. SHE is.

**Edward** - But what you did to our cars...

**Sasha** - SHE FORCED ME TO OKAY.

**Edward** -RIIIIGHT...

-_Walks away terrified-_

-_Sara returns-_

Sara - So????

**Sasha** - What?

**Sara** - Is he scared?

**Sasha** - Yep

**Sara** - Right time for phase two, get Bella and Edward together-

**AAAAND end scene **

**Sara**- WAIT ONE MINUTE! Aren't they already together?!

**Sasha** - No. THEY BROKE UP LAST WEEK. where have you BEEN?

**Sara**- When did that happen?! Are you sure?

**Sasha** - YEEEAH. Edward did something to piss her off, and she remembered WHY she hated him so muchos, so they split up and then YOU said that we should get them back together. Do you seriously not remember?

**Sara** - YOu know i have long term memory lose...

**Sasha** - Dude it was like yesterday.

**Sara** - AND I SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSE OKAY. What the hell?! YOU'RE LYING! I will unleath my wrath! Beware! I don't like liars! Awww but you would never lie to me, would you?!

**Sasha** - NO I'M NOT. I EVEN RECORDED YOU -sara and sasha listen to recording-

**Sara**- There is no sound! LIES!

**Sasha** - SHHH WAIT AND LISTEN. _-sasha and sara start talking on the recording-_

**Sara** - OH THAT CONVERSATION. Well now i remember.

**Sasha**- REALLY?!

Sara- Hah, no of course I don't remember!

**Sasha** - Fine. then we won't get them back together.

**Sara** - FINE.

**Sara-** Let's just say they are together and I will research into this my friend and give you my verdict. Good day sir!

**Sasha **- Ergh. FINE.

**FIN!**


	11. Gym

**A.N- We feel the lack of reviews guys and we want to know you guys are still reading this so please review! Lol but this is our version of therapy so meh, it's cheaper (not that we would know how it would cost or anything, JOKING, we're sane :D )**

**Chapter 12**

**Alice-** So what are you doing after school?

**Bella-** Nothing. You?

**Alice**- I'm going to the gym with Edward. You should join us.

**Bella-** Meh, alright.

**A****lice** - Well don't sound excited then.

**B****ella** - WOOOOO GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM

**A****lice** - Yeah alri...

**B****ella** - GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM

**A****lice** - I SAI...

**B****ella** - GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM GYM

**A****lice** - ALRIGHT. I preferred when you weren't hyper.

**Bella**- Tough.

_**~*~At the gym~*~**_

**Bella**- Where's Edward?

**Edward**- Behind you.

**Bella**- -_screams_- What the hell?! You gave me a heart attack.

**Edward**- Sorry love.

_-Bella and Edward kiss-_

**Sasha**- Aww, it must be love, love, love dadada.

**Sara**- We made that! Bow down before our awesomeness.

**Edward**- What are you doing here? I thought I lost you on the freeway.

**Sara**- I believe you mean motorway.

**Edward**- Heh?

**Sasha**- We have our ways.

**Edward**- You put a GPS in me or something didn't you!

**Sara**- Oh don't be so dramatic. We have been going here since...forever.

**Edward**- Forever?

**Sasha**- -_menacing light shines in face and fog forms-_ Yes, we are immortal blood sucking vampires. Bow down before our sparkly skin...thanks Sara.

**Sara**- No worries. –_puts away torch and fog machine-_

**Edward**- Where do you get all these props from?

**Sara**- We have our ways.

_-Edward raises critical eyebrow-_

-_Sara attempts to copy him and fails, sighs irritated-_

**Sara**- Let's say I have connections.

-_Edward raises other eyebrow-_

**Edward**- I know there is an explanation for all this

_- Sara and Sasha panic-_

**Sara**- He knows too much! He must be exterminated!

**E****dward**- WHAT?!

**S****asha** - Calm Sara, .

**S****ara** -YOU CAN TALK YOU ARE HIGH...

_-__C__ollective gasp-_

**S****ara** - ON ENERGY DRINKS AND CHOCOLATE.

**B****ella, ****A****lice and ****E****dward -** Oh. -_S__igh in relief-_

**S****asha** - HAHAH YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS A DRUGGY. BAHAHAHA.

**B****ella** - Shut up fool.

**E****dward** - Erm, Bella...

**S****ara** - Anyway, SASHA I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY HAD BROKEN UP??

**S****asha** - Erm. I did....

**S****ara** - WHY DID YOU LIE?!

**S****asha** - Well. Erm. Edward kinda maybe paid me because he...

**E****dward** - I WANTED YOU TO LEAVE US ALONE.

**B****ella** - Awwww that is SOOOOO romantic.

**E****dward** - Really?

**B****ella** – Yeah.

**S****asha** - GET A ROOM.

**S****ara** - Sasha.

**S****asha** – Mmmmmm.

**S****ara** - YOU LIED TO ME SLAVE.

**Edward**- So YOU are the evil one.

-_Sara and Sasha nervously look away-_

**Sara**- Edward....

**Edward**- Sara....

**Sasha**- Sasha.....

**Sara**- Slave Shutup and let me finish my sentence.

**Sasha**- But I was...

**Sara**- Being stupid! Now silence or no more monsters for you.

**Edward**- YOU GIVE HER MONSTERS! YOU ARE A DEMON FROM HELL!

**Sasha**- No more monsters?! But what will I drink?!

**Edward**- YOU DRINK THE BLOOD OF MONSTERS! YOU SICK PEOPLE!

**Sara**- EDWARD STOP THINKING OUT LOUD!

**Sasha**- Calm master.

**Edward**- STOP THIS MADN....

_-Sara chucks a can of monster at his head-_

_-Edward looks at it and hangs head in shame-_

**Sara**- Now back to reality, I am –_coughs_- not the evil one. And I ummmm –_coughs again_- don't control the demons and monsters of hell.

-_polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sara**- Where the hell did that come from?!

**Alice**- I have my ways...

**Sara**- Ahh we meet again Alice.

**Edward**- You know each other?

**Sara**- Slave answer for me!

**Sasha**- This I can explains...um...well...monster fill me with your lies....we have never met her.

**Sara**- Ummm yeah! Who is this mad woman?!

**Sasha**- Yeah I don't know her.

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sara**- You hooked yourself up to it too?!

**Sasha**- It looked fun. Look at it moving! Awesome!

**Sara**- Sasha lie...I mean answer the guy.

**Sasha**- Okay we met once...

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sasha**- We have blodge together and that's all.

-_Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sasha**- Oh God!

–_Sara looks around for him-_

**Sara**- Where?!

**Sasha**- -_sighs_- They are mortal enemies sworn to battle each other for all eternity. Alice is trying to thwart our plans of world domination after our takeover of hell.

**Edward**- -_laughs_- You're joking, right?

_-Polygraph tester remains silent-_

**Edward**- Right?!

Sasha- Hahaha your voice went all high pitched and shrill. LOL.

**Edward**- RIGHT?!

**Sasha**- Yeah of course I was joking!

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Alice** - GOD EDWARD CALM DOWN JEEEEEEESH YOUR LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

**Bella** - Why did I move to America?

**Edward** - Alice this isn't true is it?

**Alice** - OH BUT IT IS...AND...I'm sorry but...I have another secret.

**Bella** - What was I thinking moving to America? I must have been mad...

**Sasha** - DON'T TELL HIM ALICE.

**Alice** - BUT I HAVE TO!!!

**Sara** - This is like those old soap operas, aha.

**Bella** - Absolutely barking mad. That's me. One day I will be in a mental institute for being so barking mad.

**Alice** - Sasha is....

**Sasha** - DON'T!

**Sara** - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IF THIS WAS A MOVIE THIS IS WHERE THE CLIFF HANGER WOULD START.

**Sasha** - Sara, you're weird.

**Bella** - I mean I don't even like hot weather. What caused me to think I would like America?

**Edward** - WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?!

**Alice** - Well...-_looks at Sasha-_

**Bella** - Granted Forks isn't exactly hot, but still I should have known I would end up in a weird place

**Sara** - BELLA SHUT UP.

**Bella** - Fine. -_Walks over to treadmill_-

**Edward** - Sasha?

**Sasha** - Why is everyone looking at me I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALICE IS GOING ON ABOUT?

_-Polygraph tester goes mental-_

**Alice** - SASHA TOTALED YOUR CAR LAST YEAR!!!

**Edward** - what are you talking about, it's fine....

**Sasha** - ALICE! -_Hangs head in shame_- Erm well about that....

**Edward** -...

**Sasha** - well. Me and Alice bought a new one....and you didn't notice so we never told you...

**Edward** - BUT WE WEREN'Y FRIENDS LAST YEAR HOW DID YOU GET HOLD OF MY...

Alice - IT WAS ME OKAY! WE WERE COMING HOME FROM A PARTY AND I GAVE HER THE KEYS. DON'T PUT ME IN THE CHOKEY!

-_Sara chomps on popcorn ravenously-_

**Sara**- -stuffs popcorn in mouth- Hahaha, this is so good! Popcorn and a soap opera. Don't kill her Edward. Oh my god is he the father of little Antonio. No Maria! Don't fall for his rakish ways! He killed Renaldo! Dear god, he's behind you. Noooooo, why Maria. Why?!?!?! –_sobs into tissue_-

**Bella**- What are you watching?

**Sara**- The birds in that tree outside. Poor Maria, she barely stood a chance.

**Bella**- They're all alive.

**Sara**- Not the little earthworm, it's always the little ones. –_cries uncontrollably-_

**Bella**- Why did I move?!

**Sara**- Because you know you were supposed to meet us, it was your destiny.

**Bella**- Really?

**Sara**- Pfft, hell no! You were just stupid.

**Bella**- Great! I will just...

**Sara**- Continue watching Edward, Sasha and Alice battle it out. Thank god they forgot all about my conquest in hell, that would be an awkward conversation.

_-Sara and Bella eat popcorn watching with apt interest only to find out they were staring at them_-

**Sara**- Continue.

-_They continue to stare-_

**Sara**- -_claps hands together_- Slaves I said continue my play!

**Edward**- Um, yeah, chokey? What the hell?! I'm not Miss Trunchball!

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sasha**- She gave me your car and I kinda swapped cars.

**Edward**- That explains why my car is pink.

**Sara**- -_whispers to Bella_- It was red.

-_Sara and Bella snigger_-

**Sasha**- It was red.

**Edward**- Well I don't know how it got that way. I most certainly did not paint it like that.

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Edward**- Okay can we get rid of that!

**Sara and Bella**- DON'T KILL BERTY!

_-Edward smashes polygraph tester-_

**Sara**- He killed Berty! The murderer!!!

**Edward**- Yes I did _–laughs maniacly-_

_-Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sara**- IT LIVES! LIVES I TELL YOU!

**Sasha** - I DIDN'T BRING BERTY!!! I BROUGHT BERNIE.

**Sara** - But Bernie is...

**Sasha** - Nope. I BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE.

**Sara** - But I thought only....

**Sasha** - That's right.

**Sara** – You're a...

**Sasha** - Yeah.

**Bella** - LET HER FINISH HER SENTENCES!

**Sasha** - FINE.

**Sara** – You're a...MIRACLE WORKER?!

**Sasha** - What? n..yes! yes I am!

-_Polygraph tester goes mad-_

**Sara** - YOUR LYING WHAT ARE YOU?

**Sasha** - I erm. am a ANGEL

_-Sasha and Sara crack up laughing-_

**Sara** - Very good, I'm proud you managed to keep a straight face.

**Sasha** - it was a struggle to be honest with you

**Edward** - ARE WE EVER GOING TO DO ANY ACTUAL EXERCISE!

**Sasha** - Probably not, no.

**Edward** - Fine. Then I'm leaving.

**Sasha** - WHAT why?!

**Edward** - I CANNOT BE IN THE COMPANY OF YOU AND ALICE ANYMORE. YOU BETRAYED ME!

**Bella** - Erm. Bit drastic don't you think.

**Sara** - RAIN DROPS ON ROSES AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS...

**Sasha** - What are you doing?

**Sara** - Trying to settle the mood...is it working?

**Bella** - Don't think so chum.

**Edward**- Goodbye Sara, goodbye Bella.

**Alice and Sasha** - WHAT ABOUT US?!

**Edward** - You are dead to me.

-_Collective gasp-_

**Edward** - that's right! DEAD.

_-Alice cries, Sasha looks murderous-_

**Sara** - You've done it now.

**Edward** - I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE EVIL ONE????

**Sara** - Yeah well. NO one knows but Sasha's middle name is Lucifer...

**Edward** - So???

**Sara** - aka Satan.

**Edward** - ****.

**Bella** - MIND YOUR LANGUAGE.

**Edward** - Shit what is she going to do to me?!

_-Dramatic music plays in the background-_

**Sara** - Oops. Sorry that's my phone.

**A.N- Please REVIEW!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Randomness

**SARAMON (: says:**

okkaaaaaai

-waits patiently twiddling thumbs-

-sighs-

-picks up book-

-me: wow, knitting-

-knits scarf-

-continues knitting-

-drows in knitware-

-RIP-

-on tombstone: she was only supposed to be right back-

YOU KILLED ME!

murderer

**sharsha says:**

LOOOOOOL

im back

love you you retard

**SARAMON (: says:**

that reminds me we never did finish the script

good times :')

**sharsha says:**

oh yeah our script :')

**SARAMON (: says:**

lol its been abandoned by itself to fend for tiseldf in the lonely world that is life

*itself

what the held is tiseldf

well whatever it is me likey

sounds delicious

**sharsha says:**

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

aw i miss our script :')

**SARAMON (: says:**

lol i don't know what's wrong

the water

GLOBAL WARMING!

-takes deep breath-

i miss it too

**sharsha says:**

oh dear lord.

**sharsha says:**

CALM DOWN WOMAN

i just went on it, and we have more reviews :')

**SARAMON (: says:**

I AM CALM

cabbage

we did?

**sharsha says:**

yeah :')

aw

**SARAMON (: says:**

we should totally write again

i feel bad lol

**sharsha says:**

lets write one :') i miss it, it was like therapy

SARAMON (: says:

i know, okay lets begin

**sharsha says:**

this would be the authors note as well :') aw

**SARAMON (: says:**

hey that's what i was going to say. Stoled.

**sharsha says:**

you start

LOOL well i'm a genius and said it first so HAAAAA

**SARAMON (: says:**

i cant remember the stuff we wrote before

refresher time

**sharsha says:**

also people seem to get annoyed by us being in it too much as they dont love us so lets not be in this one until the end or something

HARHAAAAAAR that was weird

**SARAMON (: says:**

yup i know but they should see our thought process to how we re-started

we owe them that much lol

**sharsha says:**

mais ouiii of course

**SARAMON (: says:**

oh and i must reply to the reviews, i may have done it yonks ago lol

**sharsha says:**

do that after maaaan

crazy lady

**SARAMON (: says:**

I MISSED 1

oh dear

i'll do it in a second

**sharsha says:**

how dare you

**SARAMON (: says:**

im sorry

**sharsha says:**

THEY MUST FEEL SO UNLOVED

HOW COULD YOU

**SARAMON (: says:**

i didnt see it

**sharsha says:**

THEY ARE OUR READERS

ND YOU IGNORE THEM

**SARAMON (: says:**

NO I DONT

**sharsha says:**

HOW VERY DARE YOU

YES YOU DO

**SARAMON (: says:**

I ALWAYS REPLY

**sharsha says:**

YOU ARE SO MEAN TO THEM

AND I CANT REPLY TO THEM

**SARAMON (: says:**

I JUST NEVER CHECK MY EMAILS

I AM NOT MEAN TO THEM

**sharsha says:**

WELL THATS IGNORING THEM

**SARAMON (: says:**

I LOVE THEM 3

**sharsha says:**

PROVE IT

I DONT THINK YOU LOVE THEM LIKE I LOVE THEM

**SARAMON (: says:**

YEAH CAUSE YOU LOVE THEM IN A DEEP BREATHING ON A SILENT PHONE CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHILE THEY SIT ALONE IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOTEL WAY

**sharsha says:**

NO THAT'S JUST WEIRD

I LVE THEM IN A, I WILL GIVE YOU COOKIES IN THE SHAPES OF HEARTS WITH ICING AS ICING IS THE BEST PART KIND OF WAY

**SARAMON (: says:**

precisamente it's weird like you

I make buttercream icing cupcakes in cool random colours and you know i do

now we must stop and write the chapter now

**sharsha says:**

okay fine we shall

what shall the topic be

**SARAMON (: says:**

one minute i need to read the last chapter

**sharsha says:**

you are completely useless

**SARAMON (: says:**

i read it

**sharsha says:**

about time womaan

**SARAMON (: says:**

lmao i love the shizzz we write lol

**sharsha says:**

we are so awesome it surprises even me sometimes :')

(WHATS THE TOPIC?)

**SARAMON (: says:**

(School and holiday, maybeee)

Chapter 12-

**Bella**- It's been a while hasn't it.

**Edward- **Since what?

**Bella-** I don't know, but it feels like we were suspending in time, our lives hanging on a delicate balance, our lives undecided, waiting for someone to write our next moments. Someone like...Sara and Sasha.

**Edward**- -_gasps_- that's a scary thought.

**Bella **- Heh heh, yeah i know...stupid though right.

**Edward -** Yeah. Its not like our lives just randomly stopped, that would be like saying this isn't real life.

_-look at each other solemnly-_

**Bella -** Yeah...Well I haven't seen Sasha and Sara around lately...

**Edward -** I heard they got reported. Something about decorating the head teachers car..

**Bella -** What?

**Edward- **Just a normal day for them.

**Bella**- So we have a break from them, like if this was a chapter in some crazy script they won't be featured.

**Edward-** Yup.

**Bella-** YAY!...I, strangely...miss them. They are so cool and awesome and spectacular and I just want to be them because I am so unworthy of their presence. –_coughs_- Woah, what happened there?

**Edward-** Don't know but I'd rather not think about it. Weird things happen near them.

**Bella -** Weird but absolutely awesome things.

**Edward -** Bella...?

**Bella -** I..I don't know why i said that...

**Edward** -_sounds scared_- -er...well...we better get to class i suppose...

**Bella **- Yes, though this day without Sasha and Sara will just be pointless and boring, as they are so awesome how could a day without them be fun?

**Edward -** Cut it out.

**Bella **- Sorry...Erm, to English!

**Edward -** Uh huh...

**Bella-** So what are we studying now again? I forgot.

**Edward-** Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennesse Williams. (_AN- __-nudges reader- we are totally actually studying this for English literature_)

**Bella –** Ah, how could I forget, Emmett keeps looking for Phallic symbols. Very disturbing.

**Edward**- Yeah I...-growls- I wish Newton would stop thinking about you like that.

**Bella-** Like what?

**Edward -** Well, even though...ahem...now remember I'm human and can't read minds, no minds at all! None!..But I think he might be thinking about you in an inappropriate way.

**Bella** - Well. I'm awesomes, no wonder.

**Edward** - What..?

**Bella -** Yeah, I'm not an empty shell of a person who thinks she is ugly. I AM AWESOME.

**Edward -** Okay...

**Bella -** HAHA I'm only kidding. I'm an empty shell of a person who thinks she is ugly.

**Edward -** Oh thank god!

**Bella-** Huh?

**Edward-** I was worried you were confident in you appearance, you know how I love those insecure girls who think I am way better than them so that when I leave them they wander into a forest alone to curl up in the foetal position and I leave them so broken that when I come back they will be so grateful to see me that they will buy my pitiful excuse for crushing your spirit and self-esteem in the name of protecting you.

**Bella-** What are you on about?

**Edward-** –looks _at Bella and laughs nervously_- -_coughs_- Nothing...

**Bella **– No seriously, what?

**Edward** – Look, I know I'm perfection, you know I'm perfection, why are we pretending that I'm sensitive? MAKE ME A SANDWICH WOMAN!

**Bella** – Do you want a slap?

**Edward** – I'm sorry, its that time of the month again :/

**Bella** – WHAT?

**Edward** - ….I love you.

**Bella**- This is getting strange. Return back to Earth.

**Edward**- -_makes whooshing noise_- Returned! For I am Buzz Lightyear!

**Bella**- You're lucky you're good looking.

**Edward**- Hehe I know...Wait, more like PERFECTION!

**Alice**- Your face won't be if you don't Shutup.

**Bella**- Only you Alice would find a way to enter this conversation so seamlessly that no one would question how you got here.

Alice - …I've been here the whole time.

Bella – No…i…you have?

**Alice** – yeah. Thanks.

**Bella** – Im joking! I knew you were there silly!

**Alice** – Well I wasn't. I was testing you. AND YOU FAILED.

**Bella**- …

**Edward** - -_warning tone_- Alice…

**Alice** – NEVER EVER FALL FOR PEER PRESSURE. I COULD HAVE BEEN AN IMPOSTER AND YOU JUST LET ME INTO YOUR CONVERSATION. WHAT IF I WAS A MURDERER?

**Bella** – well I would beat you up. I have a black belt in karate.

**Alice**- Oh. Well okay then.

**Bella**- Don't you remember chapter 1...I mean, when I first...oh wait...

**Edward**- Yeah, I remember, when you exited out of the airport! That was hot.

**Bella**- Thanks...WAIT! You weren't there...-_scared face_- How did you know that?

**Edawrd**- Pffftt...I'm...Pffffft...I'm not some stalker or anything. I don't come into your room at night because I can't sleep just to watch you sleep...hehe...pfftt...don't be ridiculous -_hides binoculars_-

**Bella** – You watch me sleep?

**Edward** – Sometimes…

**Bella** – Awww! That's so romantic and not creepy at all!

**Edward** – Really?

**Bella** – Yeah! Come watch me sleep tonight!

**Edward** – Okay _– grins like a creepy old man about to watch a small child sleep_-

**Bella** – that's a creepy smile. It's like you are an old man about to watch a small child sleep.

-_Edward does crooked smile, everyone swoons_-

**Edward** – Better?

**Bella** – Yes. The crookedness is what makes it sexy.

**Mike**- I heard everything and I'm freaked out! How could you chose him over me?

**Bella**- -_still swooning_- He sparkles. Until you sparkle Mike, shove off.

**Mike**- He watches you sleep...when you don't know he is!

**Bella**- And when you sparkle you can do that too.

**Mike**- Really?

**Bella**- No. You need you have a Volvo, cool sunglasses, a crooked smile, believe you're a masochist and that you're threat to my very life...Oh and you HAVE to drink the blood of animals but secretly thirst for my blood like you're a druggie and I'm your own personal brand of heroin.

**Mike**- You just described a serial killer.

**Bella**- No Mike, I described a CHARISMATIC serial killer.

**Mike** – But he's still a serial killer…

**Edward**- No I USED to be a serial killer. I felt bad after the first few 100 times.

**Mike** – WHAT?

**Bella** – go away.

-_Mike leaves with tail between his legs_-

**Bella** – When'd he grow the tail?

**Edward** – He heard you liked wolves…

**Bella** – Oh.

**Edward** – Anyway, being a serial killer isn't that weird. And sparkling is manly right?

**Bella** – If it wasn't for the fact you kiss me, I would think you were gay.

**Edward** – Why?

**Emmet** – YOU'RE A FUCKING FAIRY.

**Edward** – What…? –_looks horrified_-

**Emmet** – YOU SPARKLE. YOU ARE SENSITIVE. AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYONE AS YOU FEEL TOO BAD. YOU ARE A FUCKING PANSY.

**Edward** – Don't swear this is a kid's show.

**A.N- Finished for this chapter.**

**Thanks so much for your patience. We've been busy with all our school work and all that, which why it's a muchos late chapter. **

**Merci for sticking with us. Please review.**


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